Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?
by mira1122
Summary: Sequel to Look Around. Yuki and Shuichi travel to New York in an attempt to once and for all heal Yuki's psychological wounds. But homophobic rednecks, post-traumatic amnesia, and an obsessed fan are not exactly what they had in mind when they left Tokyo!
1. Premonition

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation!

BTW, if you haven't read Look Around, I strongly recommend that you do. It will be pretty confusing otherwise. I hope everyone enjoys reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

* * *

Yuki squinted his eyes against the bright afternoon sun as he watched the familiar yet foreign city fly past. Waves of negative emotions washed over him every time he recognized something familiar. _I hope Dr. Kinjo is right about this. _He felt a thump on his chest and looked down at his exhausted little lover. Everything they had gone through, the break ups, the times he would disappear leaving Shuichi in anguish, and the reluctant reconciliations were nothing compared to that one awful night. Yuki had abruptly fled to Germany at that time in an attempt to heal the deep psychological scars that Kitazawa had left on his psyche. The six months he'd spent with Dr. Schlucter had been pure hell, but it had helped him realize how much he loved the annoying little brat snuggled comfortably in his arms. It had been two years since they had been reunited. During that time, he'd spent many hours in therapy with Dr. Kinjo. Now he was back in New York again. The thought of visiting Kitazawa's grave and going to his special place in Central Park made Yuki's stomach twist into knots, but Dr. Kinjo had assured him that this was a journey he had to make in order to fully heal his deep emotional wounds. He felt something warm slowly spreading on his chest pulling him from his dark musings.

"Hey, cut it out," Yuki said louder than he'd intended. "You should have taken a nap during the flight like I suggested."

"Huh…what?" Shuichi groggily replied. "Are we there yet?"

"Idiot," he chuckled affectionately. "No we're not there yet. You're drooling on my chest!" Yuki wiped at the wet spot with the cuff of his jacket.

"I'm sorry. I just couldn't keep my eyes open anymore." Shuichi said yawning and stretching unintentionally striking a provocative pose.

"That's why I told you to sleep on the plane," he admonished trying in vain to ignore Shuichi's lithe body. "If you go to sleep now, you'll never be able to adjust to New York time."

Yuki watched Shuichi in fascination. The small catnap he'd taken had somehow completely revived him. He energetically looked out the cab window marveling all the while at the differences between New York City and Tokyo. A sudden pain stabbed Yuki's heart. At one time he had been as genuine and naïve as Shuichi, but that was before… He attempted to drive those thoughts out of his mind, but being in New York again with so many familiar sights, sounds, and smells, it was impossible to completely block them all out. With random precision, they floated at will in and out of his consciousness. Coming back here was a bad idea. Yuki couldn't explain it, but he had a feeling in the pit of his stomach that something very bad was going to happen.

"New York is really huge! Do you think there are as many people here as there are in Tokyo?" Shuichi waited patiently for a response unable to tear his eyes away from the amazing sights beyond his window. After several minutes of silence, he reluctantly looked to his distracted lover. Shuichi gasped at the sight of his pale face. "Yuki…are you alright?"

"Yeah," he answered trying desperately to calm his rapidly beating heart. "I'm just tired. Ah, here we are." Motioning out the window, Yuki pointed out the large, opulent hotel in which they would be staying for the next week.

"Whoa! K's really outdone himself this time." Shuichi commented as he scrambled out of the taxi.

While Yuki checked them in, Shuichi walked around the lobby completely awestruck by the luxury and splendor of the place. The walls, which were paneled with dark, polished mahogany, dramatically contrasted the cream and tan colored marble floor. Dark brown chairs and sofas lining the walls were beautifully accentuated with gold patterned throw pillows. There were several large windows covered by sheer, white curtains and simple but elegant electric sconces hung from the dark pillars throughout the room. _This place looks like a palace!_

"Let's go, Shuichi," Yuki called breaking him out of his reverie.

Throughout the long ride in the elevator, Shuichi wondered curiously what their suite would look like. If it was as nicely decorated as the lobby, it would be absolutely perfect.

Shuichi's eyes widened in surprise as he looked around the suite that K had booked for them. It had a large living room with two chairs and a sofa situated next to a large picture window at one end of the room and a stylish but functional desk at the other. In the corner at the other side of the window there was a small, round, marble table with two matching chairs. On the right hand side of the room, there was a door that led into a spacious bathroom with an enormous, old-fashioned, pedestal tub, a generously sized shower, sink, and vanity. At the back of the room, facing the entrance was the bedroom with a comfortable looking king sized bed and a large wardrobe. The entire suite was decorated with varying degrees of dark browns and rich tans which gave it a cozy atmosphere. Off the bedroom, there were large sliding glass doors which led to a balcony. There was another marble table and matching chairs out there as well. The view from our balcony overlooking Central Park was breathtaking. _This is even better than I'd hoped for!_

"How do you like…" Yuki began as he joined him out on the balcony.

Shuichi looked at him questioningly and was surprised to see his normally cool countenance etched with alarm. "What's wrong?" He asked worried by Yuki's suddenly pale face.

"It's nothing," he answered evasively as he hastily backed into the bedroom. _Why did K have to book us a room that overlooks Central Park, _Yuki wondered fighting the dread that was flooding rapidly into his heart. He'd always loved Central Park as a child. It had been his favorite place to visit, but it had been Kitazawa's favorite as well. This was where they had met, and, when the weather was nice, Kitazawa preferred to tutor him in his favorite spot – under the large oak tree in the southeastern corner of the park. Yuki fought his masochistic urge to look in that direction as he retreated quickly into the bathroom.

Following rapidly in Yuki's wake, the dread Shuichi had sensed from him since their arrival in New York had suddenly become palpable. "Stop telling me nothing's wrong. I know something is bothering you."

"Would you just drop it and leave me alone," he yelled anger flashing wildly in his golden eyes. Looking at the shocked and hurt expression on Shuichi's face, Yuki instantly regretted his harsh remark. Although it had been months since he'd spoken to Shuichi like this, he couldn't quell the horrible memories that were assaulting his psyche or quiet the negative emotions they were churning up. "Just give me a moment alone," he asked in what he hoped would be a more gentle voice.

"Alright," Shuichi answered fighting back his tears. "I'll go unpack our clothes." _I've got to remember that this is not a vacation, _Shuichi berated himself. _This is going to be a very difficult week for Yuki, and I've got to do my best to support him. He's been trying so hard to undo the harm that Kitazawa inflicted upon him. _He quickly set to work arranging their clothes in the wardrobe and stowing their luggage in the corner of the living room. Their toiletries still needed to be put away, but since Yuki still hadn't come out of the bathroom, he placed them all on the table. He had begun to pace nervously in the living room, when Yuki finally joined him.

"You must be starved," Yuki said in a forced pleasant tone. "Let's go get something to eat. There used to be a good Italian restaurant near here. How does that sound?"

"That sounds great," Shuichi answered trying his best to sound cheerful. "Just let me put the rest of our things away." He grabbed an armful of their toiletries and took them into the bathroom.

Yuki watched Shuichi gratefully. Throughout his long road to recovery, Shuichi had eventually learned to back off when he snapped at him or treated him coldly. It had been at Dr. Schlucter's suggestion that Shuichi began seeing Dr. Kinjo as well. _Since he will be living with you and dealing with your emotional baggage, Shuichi needs to have counseling too. _Dr. Schlucter's voice echoed in his ears. During their relationship, Shuichi had matured a great deal and yet somehow he still managed to keep his youthful, hyperactive personality. Although he still hadn't voiced his feelings aloud, he loved Shuichi more than anyone – including his once beloved tutor Kitazawa. Actually, that wasn't entirely true. The last time they had reconciled, Yuki had incoherently mumbled those terrifying three little words. He'd hoped that Shuichi hadn't heard it, but of course he had, and of course he wanted Yuki to repeat it. He didn't know why he had been so reluctant to say "I love you" to Shuichi. He just knew it wasn't something he could vocalize just yet. So he'd denied that he'd said it, and he's vehemently denied it ever since. So much so, in fact that he'd even convinced Shuichi that it never happened.

"I'm finished," he happily announced pulling Yuki back into the present.

We walked through the halls and rode the elevator in silence. Although Shuichi loved to visit new places and try different kinds of food, he was still very worried about Yuki. _I wish he would share his burdens with me. It's not like I haven't experienced the pain and humiliation of being violated._ He had made that observation with Dr. Kinjo and was promptly reminded that he hadn't been betrayed by someone he loved and trusted. Shuichi knew he had a point, but he still wished there was something he could do.

"That's interesting," Yuki mused. "There used to be a book store in here." He pointed to what was now a beauty parlor. "I'm glad the restaurant is still here." He opened the door for Shuichi and followed him into the building.

The moment they crossed the threshold their noses were rewarded with the delicious smell of freshly baked garlic bread. The décor looked like a hip version of an authentic Italian restaurant. The walls were eggshell white trimmed with red and the floors were covered with glossy black tile. There were tables of varying sizes from small square tables for couples to large tables for families all covered with red and white checkered table cloths. Several pictures of what Shuichi assumed were various scenes from famous Italian cities graced the walls.

An attractive woman with dark hair, fair skin and dark brown eyes asked Yuki a question. Shuichi had never successfully learned English when he was in school, and had forgotten the few words and phrases that he had managed to learn. He could tell by the look on Yuki's face that she was trying to flirt with him. He felt the heat rise within his cheeks. This was something he hadn't anticipated about coming here. At least when they were back in Japan, he could understand everything that was said. This new turn of events was beginning to make him decidedly nervous.

After a brief verbal exchange, she led them to a small, intimate table for two at the back of the restaurant. She gave Shuichi a large, blatantly fake smile as she handed out their menus, glanced longingly at Yuki and walked briskly away.

"What was that all about?" Shuichi asked trying to keep the tension out of his voice.

"She asked 'what are you and your brother doing later this evening?' I told her that we had just arrived from Japan and would probably be going back to our hotel room to sleep. She said 'that's too bad because I have a friend who would love to go out with your brother. He's just her type.' At that point I grew tired of playing games so I politely asked her to find a table in a private little corner for me and my lover." He nonchalantly picked up his menu and began perusing its contents.

Shuichi exhaled a sigh of relief. _I love you so much!_ Then he began to wonder, _did Yuki rebuff her advances because he thought she was annoying, or did the thought of her fixing me up with another woman bother him?_ He opened up his menu and realized instantly that it was a wasted gesture. "Ah, Yuki I can't read the menu. Would you order for me?"

Yuki had been right about the food here. They had certainly enjoyed their meal. He ordered lasagna for Shuichi and chicken cacciatore for himself. Although They shared a decanter of wine, Yuki would only let Shuichi have one small wine glassful. He had always been a lightweight when it comes to alcoholic beverages and Yuki didn't want to carry him all the way back to the hotel. During their meal, Yuki really started to relax and act more like himself. It made Shuichi happy to finally see the smile that always turns his knees into jelly.

"I'm really stuffed," Shuichi said as he rubbed his bulging stomach. "I'd better use the bathroom before we walk back to the hotel."

He walked into the bathroom and immediately began to tend to his business. Two large men walked in a minute later and began talking loudly. He glanced questioningly back at them. They were looking at him menacingly. _Have I done something wrong?_ One of them shoved Shuichi into the urinal as he was zipping up his pants.

"Sorry," Shuichi said bowing politely as he tried to walk around them.

"Look Emmet, d'ya think the little faggot's trying ta pick us up? What d'ya reckon he's tryin' ta say?" The fat one with greasy blonde hair spat out his voice heavily laced with disgust.

"I dunno, but he's gonna regret tryin' ta pull that homo shit here! Fuckin' foreign faggot, why cain't ya just crawl back in the closet where ya belong!" The other one growled. He was even larger than the fat one, but he was all muscle. His face was flushed as if he'd been drinking too much and it extended into his semi-bald head. He pushed me hard against the wall and drew back his arm to punch me. "I'm gonna make ya sorry ya ever set foot in our country!"

Shuichi put his hands up to protect his face. "What have I done?" He asked in a panic. "I don't even understand what you're saying!"

Shuichi felt a blinding white flash of pain as his fist slammed into the side of his face. His knees buckled out from under him and he would have slid down the wall, if his assailant hadn't had a death grip on his shirt. Through his blurred vision, he could see that the bald one was about to hit him again. _Please Yuki come and save me!_ He closed his eyes and willed this living nightmare to end quickly.

Shuichi slumped to the floor as he was abruptly released. He opened his eyes just in time to see Yuki slamming the bald guy's head into the wall next to him. He shoved the behemoth into his friend and they both crashed to the floor.

"You're a couple of cowards! Are the two of you so weak that you have to attack a person, who is less than half your size?" Yuki yelled at them in English.He acted like he was going to continue his physical onslaught, causing his cowering victims to flinch. "Neither one of you had the balls to confront him on your own! You're pathetic! The two of you came in here when one of you would have been more than enough!" He grabbed Shuichi's wrist and helped him to his feet. "Let's go, Shuichi," he spoke in Japanese. "The sight of this garbage is making me sick to my stomach!"

Shuichi's legs were shaking so badly, he could barely walk. It wasn't because of the punch in the face. he'd had worse than that before. Being attacked like that again, it reminded him of that awful night. They'd even gone to an Italian restaurant that night too! Yuki hailed them a taxi and held Shuichi close all the way back to the hotel. He couldn't stop shaking. For some reason, he felt very cold and just couldn't get warm. By the time they got to the hotel, his legs were so weak, he couldn't even walk. Yuki had to carry him all the way to their suite.

Yuki took him straight to the bathroom and deposited him on the chair next to the vanity. "Will you be alright if I let you go for a minute?" Yuki tenderly asked concern etching his flawless face.

"I…I think so," Shuichi answered weakly.

Yuki began filling the tub with warm water. While he waited for the tub to fill, he helped Shuichi get undressed. Gingerly picking him up, Yuki set him down in the warm, soothing water. After shutting off the faucet, he got undressed and climbed into the tub behind Shuichi.

"I was right," Yuki said quietly in his ear. "This tub is big enough for two people." he gently began massaging Shuichi's shoulders. "That must have brought back a lot of unpleasant memories."

"Yes it did," Shuichi answered feeling more at ease now that they were safe in their hotel room. "I feel awful. We're supposed to be here to help you deal with your past."

"Don't worry about it." Even though he couldn't see his face, Shuichi knew he was smiling. "I would rather help you deal with your past than try to deal with mine."

Shuichi pulled Yuki's arms around him and leaned against his warm chest. "Thanks for sticking around this time!"


	2. Misadventure

Disclaimer: I still don't own Gravitation!

The author would like everyone to know that the opinions of her characters do not in any way reflect her own sentiments. She happens to Love Japan (obviously she's completely obsessed with Japanese anime and manga!) and she thinks that Japanese is one of the most beautiful languages she has ever heard.  
That is all!

* * *

Kaori Nakamura burst excitedly into the apartment he shared with his twin sister Yori.

"It's here, it's finally here," he yelled as he danced joyfully around the room.

"What's going on?" Yori asked although she had a pretty good idea what it was already. There was only one thing that would make her idiot brother this excited.

"Bad Luck's latest CD…it was finally released in America!" Kaori had already removed the plastic wrap and was now opening the case with trembling hands. "Yes! There are pictures in this one!" He shoved the thin booklet into Yori's face. "Just look at him! Isn't Shuichi Shindou the most adorable guy you've ever seen?"

"Kaori you moron, you're a guy! Shouldn't you be drooling over someone like Heather Graham, Nicole Sutter, or at least Cherry Blossoms?"

"Hey, wait a minute. Isn't Cherry Blossoms a guy too," he asked in confusion.

"At least he dresses in drag and looks like a girl!" Yori taunted throwing a hand towel in his face.

"Quit picking on me! Can't you see that I'm in love?" He looked once again at Shuichi's picture. "I wish I could meet him…just once."

* * *

Shuichi sensed that it was very late in the morning when he finally awoke. Yuki's arms were still wrapped reassuringly around him. He snuggled closer to Yuki and sighed contentedly. There were several perks to all of the therapy that Yuki has undergone. Shuichi's favorite by far has always been cuddling with Yuki like this. When they got back together, for some reason Yuki let him sleep in his bed. He still got angry when Shuichi tried to snuggle up to him, but at least they had gotten to the point where they could sleep in the same bed. Then Shuichi had a nightmare about that awful night. After Yuki calmed him down, he held Shuichi the entire night and he was in heaven. The next morning, when Shuichi asked him about it, he simply said 'I know how disturbing nightmares can be.' Now, every time he has a nightmare, Yuki always holds and comforts him. It almost made Shuichi wish it would happen every night.

"So, you're finally awake." Yuki said as he gently disentangled himself and stretched lazily. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm much better today," he said trying to smile. "Ouch!" Shuichi touched his left cheek gingerly. "I guess my cheek is still pretty sore."

"That's to be expected. You have one hell of a bruise!"

"I don't understand why I was attacked. I keep thinking about last night, and I just can't figure out what I'd done wrong." He looked at Yuki sadly. "What did I do? Please tell me so it won't happen again!"

Yuki looked down uncomfortably. "You were beaten simply because they thought you were gay."

"Well I am gay! What does that have to do with anything? I didn't," Shuichi shuddered at the thought. "I would never want to do anything with them!"

"Whether you'd try anything with them or not is not the issue with the bastards that attacked you last night. Those kind of people are convinced that their way of living is the only one that is acceptable." Yuki looked sadly at Shuichi's bruised face. "They blindly hate anyone, who doesn't fit into their narrow minded view of what is normal."

"But why me…do I really look so abnormal that I'd be targeted by them?"

"Well…guys don't usually have pink hair, and you do look a little effeminate…" He glared at Yuki in warning and he smiled knowing that it made Shuichi bristle, "but I'm probably to blame for what happened last night."

"What did you…?" He began to protest all of his anger disappearing beneath his curiosity.

"I let my guard down too much last night." Seeing the confusion in Shuichi's eyes he added. "We were talking too intimately with each other; we looked too much like a couple. That's usually all it takes to push idiots like that over the edge. The fact that they were drunk didn't help matters either." He got up and started to get dressed. "From now on we'll have to be more careful when we're in public."

"How are we supposed to do that?" Shuichi asked rising angrily out of bed. "Last night we were just enjoying a meal together. I mean…we were just talking. It's not like we were kissing or embracing. We didn't even hold hands." His hands were shaking as he roughly got dressed. "What are we supposed to do? Are we supposed to walk around like emotionless mannequins just to keep a few mindless idiots from trying to beat the hell out of us?"

"It'll just be for a few days." Yuki said trying his best to make his voice soothing. "Once we get back home, we can carry on as we always have."

"I hate this!" Shuichi walked to the window and looked out at the city that had been so enchanting just yesterday. "Why do we have to hide who are? Why can't those people just leave us alone?"

"Please, just do this for me…so you'll be safe."

He could sense that Yuki was behind him. Shuichi wanted Yuki to embrace him and to finally tell him 'I love you.' "Why do you want me to be safe?" He asked in a small, quiet voice full of emotion.

Yuki sighed heavily. "I…I just don't want anything to happen to you."

Shuichi knew it meant there was more Yuki wanted to say, but he just couldn't bring himself to say it. If Shuichi pushed the matter, it would only make Yuki angry, so he buried his disappointment deep within his heart and changed the subject. "Have you decided what you're going to do today?" Shuichi turned and looked into his troubled eyes and noticed that he was looking toward Central Park.

"I have to go to Kitazawa's favorite spot in Central Park, but let's have some breakfast first." He looked at Shuichi thoughtfully for a moment. "There used to be a coffee shop a few blocks away that served a great breakfast."

"I think I'd rather stay here and order breakfast from room service." He answered moodily. "At least in here we can still act normal."

* * *

Yori was in the kitchen packing the food she'd been preparing for their family's annual summer picnic. It was her turn to bring the bento, and she hoped that it would meet with her father's approval. Kaori suddenly dashed out of his room and headed for the door.

"Just where do you think you're going?" She asked in surprise.

"I just read on the internet that Shuichi has come to New York with his lover Eiri Yuki," he breathlessly explained. "It's rumored that they're staying in a high class hotel near Central Park. I'm going to systematically stakeout each one of them until I find him!"

"You can't do that today! Did you forget?" She looked at him and threw her hands up in disgust. "You really are a moron! You're so obsessed with Shuichi Shindou that you've completely forgotten about our annual family picnic!"

"Come on Yori," he whined practically falling to his knees. "I have a chance to see, and maybe even talk to Shuichi! Couldn't you just tell mom and dad that I was sick? Please…just this once!"

"I could, but I won't," she answered coldly. "You know how important this is to mom and dad. They've been doing this with us ever since we were babies. It's very important to them."

"Damn it! We're almost twenty years old," he yelled in frustration. "It was kind of cool to hear all of the old stories and folklore about Japan…when I was twelve! If I have to listen to all of that nonsense again, I swear I'm gonna puke! And to top it all off, we have to speak Japanese the whole afternoon. It's a complete pain in the ass.

"Look, I'm getting tired of all the old stories myself, but mom and dad really look forward to this all year long." Yori took Kaori by the hand and looked beseechingly into his eyes. "Please come…for a little while at least. The picnic is in Central Park after all. After you've inhaled the bento and listened to a couple of stories, you can conveniently remember that you have a paper due and excuse yourself to go stakeout the nearest hotel. That way, you can still pursue your idol and keep from hurting mom and dad's feelings."

"Alright, I'll go for a little while," he reluctantly conceded.

* * *

Shuichi walked nervously with Yuki trying his best to keep his distance and yet still be close enough to give Yuki his support. His face was pale, and Shuichi could tell that he was beginning to regret eating the large breakfast he'd ordered this morning. As they walked around a group of large bushes, Yuki abruptly stopped in his tracks. Shuichi was about to ask what was wrong, but his question died on his lips when he saw the haunted look on Yuki's face.

Yuki froze in place. This was it. This is where he met Kitazawa. He remembered it like it had happened yesterday. He was with Tohma that day. They had even walked along the same path, and when they had walked around the same group of bushes, Kitazawa had been there sitting under that same tree. When Tohma introduced him, Kitazawa smiled warmly at Yuki. He'd become enraptured by that smile until that horrible day when the man he admired and loved smiled at him as he was being raped – as he pleaded for help.

"Yuki…are you alright," Shuichi tentatively asked. Yuki looked awful and he wanted more than anything to hold him and physically give him his support.

"I…I'm fine," he answered tensely. "I need a moment alone. Why don't you take a walk down that path? I'll catch up with you in a little while."

"Are you sure you'll be alright?" He really didn't want to leave Yuki like this.

"I said I'll be fine," he snapped at Shuichi harshly.

"O…ok," he answered meekly. "I'll be waiting for you."

Shuichi tried unsuccessfully to keep himself from crying as he walked along the path that Yuki pointed out. He knew the reason Yuki had been so short with him was because he was probably remembering something painful, but it still hurt Shuichi's feelings. _I want to help him so much. Why does he have to shut me out like that? I wish he would let me help him bear this burden. Why does he always have to do things like this alone?_ He was so deep in his thoughts he didn't even see the large man standing in his path until he'd actually bumped into him.

"Well lookie here Emmet," he loudly exclaimed. "It's the same little faggot from last night!"

"Bless my soul it is him," he said pulling Shuichi's hair so that he was forced to look into his hateful eyes. "Where's your faggot body guard hidin'?" He shoved Shuichi hard enough to send him tumbling to the ground.

Even though he knew they wouldn't understand him, Shuichi mumbled, "Please excuse me" as he scrambled to his feet and backed cautiously down the path. He hadn't gone more than a few feet before he bumped into another large man.

"Is this the faggot y'all ran into at the restaurant Billy?" He asked shoving Shuichi toward the other two.

"Yeah, he's the one," Billy answered as he shoved him back to the ground.

Shuichi was really beginning to panic now. He scrambled to his feet and took a deep breath. "Yu…" The one standing behind him slapped a dirty hand over his mouth and began dragging him from the path into the bushes.

"Come on you guys, don't you think you've scared him enough?" A fourth man asked. Although he wasn't as big as the other three, he was still bigger than Shuichi.

Billy let out an evil laugh as he punched Shuichi hard enough in the stomach to knock the wind out of his lungs. He grunted and buckled over, but was caught before he made it to his knees. Shuichi felt his arms being pinned roughly behind him. "Aw, we don't want to scare him." Billy threw a wicked right hook that landed on Shuichi's left cheek. "We're gonna make this little faggot sorry he was ever born."

Billy and Emmet took turns pummeling Shuichi's body. Mostly they aimed for his face, but occasionally they would hit him in the stomach knocking the wind again and again from his lungs so he couldn't call for help. _Please don't hit me in the ribs! Anywhere but the ribs, _Shuichi thought desperately until one of them kicked him in the groin. He screamed in pain scattering the blood that poured from his lips.

"Enough already," the smaller man yelled. "You're gonna kill him!"

"So what if we did," Emmet asked incredulously. "One less faggot would be a good thing!"

"Will killing him be worth it when you're spending the rest of your life in prison," the smaller one asked trying desperately to reason with him.

The one holding Shuichi's arms abruptly released him and he landed hard on the ground. "Jason's right y'all. We've had our fun. I think the faggot's had enough."

"Y'all have gotten too soft livin' up here with all these damn Yankees," Emmet said as he kicked Shuichi in the stomach.

Shuichi coughed up blood. _They're really going to kill me! Yuki, please come and find me…before it's too late!_

"Damn it Billy! This has to stop," Jason yelled in desperation.

Shuichi looked with pleading eyes at Jason. "Please help me," he weakly implored hoping Jason would understand the emotion even though he wouldn't understand the words.

Billy kicked him again. "Come on Billy, that's enough," Jason demanded as he tried to shove the larger man away from Shuichi. "NO! Emmet don't…"

The world seemed to explode against the left side of Shuichi's head and he fell into darkness.


	3. Impostor

Yuki looked across the park in satisfaction. Although it had been extremely difficult at first, he had finally accomplished the first task that Dr. Kinjo had given him. He held up the letter he'd written to Kitazawa and inspected it carefully. Everything he'd repressed and had tried to ignore had flowed from his soul through the pen and into the notebook he had tucked back into his pocket. Even though it appeared to be a simple task, this had been one of the most arduous assignments Dr. Kinjo had ever given him. He folded up the letter carefully and tucked it into his pocket as well. Looking up at the clouds drifting lazily across the sky, he thought about the drastic changes he'd gone through since the day a stray piece of paper blew into his path bringing that hyperactive, annoying, and extremely adorable guy with it. Yuki knew in his heart he never would have been able to loosen himself from the stranglehold that Kitazawa's memory had on him without Shuichi's constant support. _Shuichi! _

"Damn, I can't believe how long I've been here," he said as he did a double take at his watch.

He jumped up and began walking briskly down the path that Shuichi had taken earlier._ I wonder where he would have decided to stop._ After passing a group of picnic tables and a small pond, an uneasy feeling began to form in the pit of his stomach. _He wouldn't have gone this far, would he, _Yuki wondered after walking for what he estimated to be about a quarter of a mile.

"Shuichi…where are you," he called out nervously. "I'm sorry it took so long. Quit sulking and come out."

As Yuki continued down the path, dark thoughts kept threatening to break through his logical contemplation. _This is stupid,_ he tried to reassure himself. _He probably just got tired of waiting and went back to the hotel. There's no way he would have wandered this far away. _He turned walking quickly back toward Kitazawa's tree scanning the area carefully hoping to catch sight of Shuichi around every bend in the path. He asked every person he came across, if they had seen him, but unfortunately no one had. By the time he'd made his way back to Kitazawa's tree, he'd become tired and frustrated. _I'll go back to the hotel. Surely I'll find him there._

As he retraced the path from the hotel they'd walked down a few hours earlier, he looked anxiously for Shuichi. Once again Yuki asked everyone he met if they'd seen him only to be discouraged by their negative replies. By the time he'd reached the hotel the dark thoughts he'd been ignoring were becoming more insistent. _Please be here! Please be safe, _he thought desperately as he hurried through the hotel lobby. Tapping his foot impatiently in the elevator, Yuki watched the numbers slowly ascend. _I never should have left Shuichi alone._ Before the door opened all the way, he squeezed hastily through it and flew down the corridor to their suite. His hands shook nervously as he slid the security key through the lock and opened the door.

"Shuichi!" Yuki searched each room carefully. _He's not here!_ His stomach twisted into knots and a heavy weight settled itself upon his heart. _Shuichi, where are you?_ Yuki's mind began to race. _Shuichi's out there somewhere! He's probably just lost. Shit! What if someone takes advantage of him? What if he runs into the wrong person and gets hurt again? What if he gets ki…_ Snapping back to attention, Yuki refused to think about that possibility. He couldn't allow himself to go there.

With trembling hands he phoned the front desk and asked to be connected with the police. After going through a plethora of recorded messages, he was relieved when he finally got through to a human being.

"Officer Jenkins, Missing Persons," he answered in a dull monotonous tone.

"Hello, this is Eiri Yuki. My…friend, Shuichi Shindou, has been missing all afternoon. You have to send some officers out to look for him?

"How long has he been missing," Jenkins asked stifling a yawn.

"He's been missing for about four hours now."

"He's only been gone four hours!" Jenkins exclaimed heatedly. "Are you kidding me? He's probably just visiting a friend…"

"No, you don't understand," Yuki cut him off. "We're…on vacation from Japan. My friend can't speak English. There's no way he would wander off on his own. You've got to send some officers to Central Park immediately. That's where we…got separated."

"Look…Mr. Yuki was it? Just how old is your friend?"

"He's twenty two," Yuki answered puzzled as to why that was relevant.

"I was afraid of that. Your friend is an adult. We can't consider him a missing person until he's been missing for forty eight hours," the officer said apologetically. "I hope he shows up before then, but if he doesn't, just give us a call and we'll do our best to find him."

"Wait a minute! You've got to be kidding me," he yelled in dissatisfaction. "Isn't there something you can do?"

"I'm sorry Mr. Yuki. Do you have any idea how many missing person reports we get per day? This is the best we can do," he apologized as he disconnected the line.

Yuki numbly set the phone down and yanked his cell phone from his pocket. Tohma would probably be the best person to call, but he didn't want to deal with him just yet. Scrolling through his list, he selected K's number and hit send.

"Who in the hell is foolish enough to wake me up at…" With bleary eyes K struggled to see the time on his watch from the glow of his cell phone. "Four o'clock in the damn morning?" He growled sleepily into the phone.

"K, it's Yuki. I need your help right away!"

* * *

The pungent smell of dried blood mixed with dirt assailed Shuichi's nostrils as he slowly regained consciousness. His head felt like it was going to explode and his entire body was wracked with pain. With great difficulty, he opened his swollen eyes as wide as he could and looked at his surroundings. Nothing was familiar to him. _Just where am I, _he wondered as he slowly climbed to his feet. His head started throbbing even harder. He swayed uneasily as he tried to determine the best direction to go. _Which way had I come from? What had I been doing?_ He struggled to remember what he had done up to this point. _I must have been walking down that path,_ he reasoned as he emerged from the bushes. _Then…there were…three, no four of them…they…they beat me up! Why? What did I do to them?_ Shuichi looked down the path in each direction. _Which way did I come from?_ _Why was I here in the first place?_ He frowned as he tried in vain to remember what happened before he'd been beaten. His head began to pound from the effort. Staggering down the path, he hoped he could find someone to help him.

After he had walked for about fifteen minutes, he ran across a young mother with two small children.

"Please help me," Shuichi asked with difficulty through swollen, bruised lips.

"Don't come near us," she shrieked as she grabbed her frightened children's hands and ran in the opposite direction.

Shuichi stood there in shock and disbelief. _What did she say? Why couldn't I understand her?_ He knew that he must look horrible after the beating he'd received, but why did she have to run away? He continued to shuffle unsteadily down the path. As he tried once again to remember where he'd come from and what he'd been doing, a disturbing thought crossed his mind. _I…I can't even remember who I am!_ Tears began to flow from his eyes washing a path down his bloody face. _What am I going to do? Is anyone even looking for me? _

Shuichi noticed another person walking down the path coming toward him. He was dressed in shabby clothing clutching a brown paper bag in his hand. "Please, you've got to help me," Shuichi implored him desperately.

"What the hell," he answered thickly. "Dude…I can't even understand what you're trying to say!"

_I can't understand him! _"Please, help me!" Shuichi tried to grab onto his shirt, but the bum easily brushed him off and backed cautiously down the path.

"Look, I don't want any part of whatever shit you got yourself involved with," he said before turning abruptly and clumsily running away.

_Just where in the hell am I? Why can't anyone understand me?_ Shuichi began sobbing even harder causing his head to pound so violently he was afraid he would pass out. He slumped to the ground weakly. _How did I ever end up in a place like this? _The sound of hasty footsteps pulled him from his despondent thoughts. It was a handsome young man with short black hair. His dark brown eyes widened when he saw Shuichi sitting on the ground.

"Will you help me, please," Shuichi asked hopelessly.

"My God, what has happened to you," he asked frantically in concern.

"I…I can't believe it," Shuichi started crying harder in relief. _I finally found someone I can understand! _"Do…do you know who I am?"

"Of course I know who you are," he answered heartily. "You're Shuichi Shindou the vocalist from Bad Luck!"

"Shuichi Shindou," he repeated absentmindedly.

"You look awful! What's happened to you," he asked as he gingerly touched Shuichi's face. "It looks like you took one hell of a beating!"

"Some guys beat me up. I don't know what I did to cause it. I don't even know where I am or why I'm here!" He began to shake as he continued crying softly.

Kaori's mind began to race. _He doesn't know who or where he is! Could it be that he has amnesia? Maybe I could…no I really shouldn't do it…Eiri Yuki is his lover…but everyone says that he's so cold to Shuichi… Could I make Shuichi fall in love with me before he remembers everything? Maybe he would choose to stay with me if he did! What if he never regained his memories…_ Something within Kaori snapped. He'd dreamt about Shuichi for so long, surely this fateful meeting meant that they were destined to be together. "I'm so glad I finally found you!"

"You…you've been looking for me," Shuichi asked in relief.

"You've really had me worried! I told you that New York is a dangerous place, but you wouldn't listen to me."

"We…do we know each other?"

He tenderly put his arms around Shuichi's neck. "I'm Kaori, your lover."

Kaori lightly brushed his trembling lips across Shuichi's. _He's my lover? _"How long…have we been together?"

"We…met and fell in love in a chat room on the internet about six months ago. A few days ago, you came here to visit me," he explained hesitantly. "Even though we've been in love for several months, we have only been together for a couple of days." He looked at me sadly. "You really can't remember anything?"

"I'm sorry, I can't." Shuichi's mind was spinning. _How…how could I not remember my lover! _It hurt him to think about this, but he was grateful that he'd been found. "K…Kaori please take me home. I don't feel so good."

"I think I'd better take you to the hospital." Kaori said as he carefully helped Shuichi to his feet.


	4. Obsession

It was taking twice as long to get to Central Park West, but Kaori wasn't complaining. In fact, he felt like he was floating on air. _I can't believe I'm walking through the park with Shuichi Shindou!_ If that weren't enough of a reason for him to be happy, Shuichi had accepted his story and considered Kaori his lover. As they walked along the path arm in arm, he thought; _this would be perfect if Shuichi hadn't been hurt and was in his right mind._ He looked over at his newfound "lover" and felt a fresh wave of guilt wash over him. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn't stop it now.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Shuichi groaned as he collapsed to the ground.

Kaori knelt beside him as he tried unsuccessfully to throw up again. "Hang in there Shuichi; we should be getting there soon. _He's really beginning to look bad!_

"I'm sorry," he said weakly. "Can't we just rest here a while?"

"You've got to keep moving." Kaori countered urgently as he helped Shuichi to his feet. Kneeling down he said, "I'll let you ride on my back if you'll promise to keep talking to me and not fall asleep."

"I'll do my best." Shuichi climbed on Kaori's back and held on as he began briskly walking.

"What's the last thing you remember," he asked panting slightly from exertion.

It made Shuichi's head hurt worse to think, but he didn't mind. He knew Kaori was trying his best to help. "The last thing I remember was…two guys…hitting me…over and over again…while a third guy…pinned my arms behind me." He frowned in concentration. "There was a forth guy there…but he never touched me. I couldn't understand what he was saying…but I think he was trying to get them to stop."

"Are you sure that's the last thing you can remember?"

Shuichi thought about it for a moment and gasped when he felt another wave of nausea. "I…I can't…it hurts too much to think!"

"That's alright, don't worry about it." Kaori pointed excitedly. "Look! We've finally made it to the street." He gingerly lowered Shuichi to the sidewalk and hailed a taxi. He gently settled Shuichi into the cab and told the driver their destination. Then Kaori pulled Shuichi into a protective hug.

"Thank you for taking care of me," Shuichi whispered in his ear.

Kaori shifted uncomfortably. Shuichi's sexy voice that ghosted ever so enticingly across his ear had often been the stuff of Kaori's fantasies. _I can't afford to fantasize now! Shuichi needs me! I've got to keep him awake._ "Don't get too comfortable. You have to stay awake for a while longer…"

* * *

Yuki walked purposefully back to Central Park to continue looking for Shuichi. As soon as he had learned about Shuichi's disappearance, K volunteered to catch the next flight to New York. Since he probably wouldn't be arriving until tomorrow afternoon at the earliest, Yuki decided to systematically search through the entire park. He had to do something. The thought of Shuichi all alone and unable to understand almost everyone, was too much for him to bear. It was possible that he might run across someone who could speak Japanese, but that didn't seem too likely the way their luck had been running during this trip.

Trying to keep all negative thoughts out of his head, Yuki pictured the map of Central Park he'd memorized. He decided to start on the main walking track off of 59th Street and cover the southern portion of the park thoroughly since that was the last place he'd seen Shuichi. As he walked down the path calling out Shuichi's name, his mind wandered to the last conversation they'd had. It really wasn't much of a conversation. _Shuichi had been trying his best to comfort me and I bit his head off and sent him away. What if I never see him again? I…I don't want those words…that I said to him so callously to be the last words he ever hears from me!_ His stomach churned violently at that thought.

Yuki couldn't understand why he was so crippled emotionally. Dr. Schlucter had shown him the connection between Kitazawa's betrayal and his emotional stagnation, but he had never been able to put the pain aside long enough to make sense of her explanation. And as always, Shuichi was the one who got hurt the most. For the first time, Yuki sincerely regretted his inability to tell Shuichi that he loved him.

* * *

Kaori sat on the floor next to his couch gazing intently at Shuichi's sleeping face. He'd been sitting there for an hour transfixed by every sound he uttered, every move he made, and every expression that crossed his face. This was just too good to be true! Shuichi Shindou was in his living room, sleeping on his couch. Kaori longed to kiss those sweet lips again. Absentmindedly, he touched his own lips as he remembered the kiss he tentatively gave Shuichi. Even though their lips had barely touched, it had sent shock waves through his body. Now that he was here, Kaori wanted to do so much more, but that would have to wait. Although Shuichi had miraculously avoided being injured seriously, the doctor was still concerned about the trauma he'd sustained to his head. After receiving a prescription for the pain, the doctor released Shuichi and informed Kaori to monitor his progress throughout the night. He also instructed the nurse to make Shuichi a follow-up appointment at a clinic near Kaori's apartment. But that was tomorrow. Right now he had Shuichi all to himself...

"What is going on here," Yori exclaimed her eyes widening at Shuichi's battered face. Although his face had been meticulously cleaned by the nurse, it was still quite a mess. "Is…that can't be Shuichi Shindou!" When she saw her brother nodding enthusiastically with that idiotic look on his face, she knew it must be true. "My God, what's happened to him, and why on earth is he here?"

"Keep it down Yori," he said jumping to his feet. He took her by the hand and led her into the kitchen. "A group of guys beat the crap out of him. I found him wandering aimlessly through Central Park."

"Shouldn't you contact someone and let them know he's alright?" The look on her brother's face was really beginning to worry her. "I mean…don't you think that what's his name…Eiri Yuki…is probably looking for him?"

"No! Shuichi is mine now," Kaori hissed maniacally. "If Yuki really loved him, why wasn't he there when Shuichi needed him the most? I was there for him! I'll never let anything bad happen to him!"

"Kaori, you're starting to scare me," she replied as tears spilled over her cheeks. "When Shuichi regains consciousness, he's not going to want to stay with you. Surely you realize that he's going to go back to his lover."

"He's lost his memory," he explained quietly. Something about his demeanor made Yori's stomach twist into knots. "I…told him that we are lovers. He thinks we met in a chat room a few months ago and he came here to meet with me."

She slumped onto the floor in shock. "What were you thinking? You can't lie to an injured person like that! What are you going to do when he regains his memory?"

"I'm kinda hoping he won't regain his memory," he answered without thinking. That was definitely the wrong thing to say.

She jumped off the floor in a rage. "Kaori, you can't do this to him! I won't allow you to deceive him like this!"

"Don't you dare tell him anything," Kaori yelled pointing his finger threateningly in his sister's face. "If you blow this for me, I'll tell Mr. Brundidge that you cheated on your Sociology exam."

Her face suddenly went pale. Grabbing his shirt she exclaimed; "you…wouldn't!" Noting the look on his face she added; "You would ruin my future just to keep this twisted deception of yours from being discovered?" She began pacing the room as she continued her onslaught. "What has gotten into you? This isn't like you at all! How can you manipulate the person you say you're in love with? Can't you see how horribly wrong this is?"

"Yori, you have no idea how much I love him. This is the only way I'll ever have a chance to be with him." Kaori's conscience stabbed at him again. _I know this is wrong, but I just want to have him with me for just a little longer._

"This isn't love." She looked at him sadly. "This is a sick obsession, and it's going to cause you nothing but pain in the end. Please don't do this. It's not too late to tell him the truth…"

"NO!"

"Kaori," Shuichi called out weakly.

Kaori was by his side in a matter of seconds. "What do you need," he asked quietly in concern.

"I'm thirsty. Would you please get me a drink?" Shuichi noticed for the first time that they were not alone.

"You probably don't remember her," Kaori said as he gave his sister a warning glance. "This is my twin sister, Yori."

"Hi Shuichi," she replied in a sad, defeated voice. "I'm sorry you were hurt today. I'll get some water for you."

"Thank you." Shuichi carefully sat up and for the first time took in his surroundings. The living room was small and modestly decorated. From the couch, he could see the front door and the bar that separated the kitchen from the living room. In the living room there was a large comfortable looking chair next to the couch facing the door. Behind where Kaori was sitting on the floor was a small coffee table littered with magazines. Across the room was a small entertainment center with a medium sized television and a small stereo system.

Yori handed Shuichi the glass of water and quietly left the room. He gulped down the cool liquid and handed the glass to Kaori, who was still sitting there watching him intently. Now that he was beginning to feel better, Shuichi couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable about the way Kaori was staring at him.

"Do I really look that horrible," Shuichi asked hoping to lighten the mood a little.

"No…I…ah…I was actually thinking how incredibly cute you are, even if you are a little bruised," Kaori said blushing deeply.

"Quit teasing me," he chuckled nervously. "I know I'm much more than a little bruised. I must look awful."

"No..." he moved closer…"you really are…" he tenderly stroked Shuichi's cheek…"adorable." Kaori gently kissed him and embraced him carefully.

Shuichi reluctantly pushed himself away before Kaori's kisses could become too intense. "I…I'm still kind of tired."

"Of course you are…I'm sorry. I just can't help myself when I'm this close to you." He stood up and offered Shuichi his hand. "Are you ready for bed then?"

"Ah…I'm sorry, but would you mind terribly, if I just sleep here…on the couch tonight?" Seeing the hurt expression on his face Shuichi hastily added. "Please forgive me! You have been so good to me, and I know…" he blushed at the thought, "that we probably have already been…intimate, but please just give me some time. It's just…well I still can't remember you…and I just don't feel comfortable sleeping…with a stranger. Please be patient with me!"

Kaori sighed disappointedly and smiled at him. "Alright, I understand. I'll bring you back a blanket and a proper pillow." As Shuichi watched him disappear down the hallway, he struggled to remember something, anything about him. _Why did this have to happen to me? I hate not being able to remember anything. My past, my job, my interests, my lover…why can't I remember?_ It was so frustrating!

"Here you are," Kaori said as he draped the warm blanket over Shuichi's legs and replaced the throw pillow he'd been using with a bed pillow.

"Thank you for being so understanding."

Kaori knelt down beside him. "Would it…be alright if I gave you a goodnight kiss?"

"Sure," Shuichi smiled at the cute, insecure look on his face. "A goodnight kiss would be nice!"


	5. Unsettled

_**The cold wind stung Shuichi's cheeks as he ran through the neighborhood. This was a place he knew well. He made his way effortlessly through the maze of domiciles until he found himself in front of an oddly familiar house. He quickly entered and raced into the kitchen. An attractive woman was cooking something. She smiled at Shuichi as he grabbed an apple from the bowl of fruit on the counter… **_

A tea kettle whistled waking Shuichi from his dream. _Who was that woman, _Shuichi wondered. _She looked so familiar. _He slowly opened his eyes. The sight of the unfamiliar room made him a little uneasy until he remembered, rather painfully, at least part of yesterday's events. He slowly sat up and touched the left side of his head gingerly. At least his headache had been reduced to a dull, throbbing pain.

"Ah, you're awake!" Kaori said as he emerged from the kitchen with two steaming cups of tea. "I was just about to wake you up. You have to be at the clinic in… an hour and fifteen minutes. Are you hungry?" He asked as he handed Shuichi one of the cups.

"Yes, I'm starved!"

"Well, considering you puked up every scrap of food you ate yesterday, I kinda expected you to be starved! Yori's almost finished with the eggs. I'll bring your plate in a moment." Kaori set his cup down on the coffee table and piled the magazines to one side. Then he retrieved their breakfast from the kitchen and sat them on the coffee table as well.

As Shuichi gingerly lowered himself onto the floor in front his plate, he noticed Yori sitting at the bar eating her breakfast in sullen silence. She looked over at the two of them disapprovingly.

"I hope you're enjoying your little pet," she said sarcastically to Kaori.

"I'm warning you, Yori, I won't hesitate to follow through with my threat if you mess this up," he answered her.

Shuichi watched as the two of them continued to argue in English. Kaori had informed him the day before that he was in New York City._ They're really mad at each other! Does she disapprove of our relationship? Does she dislike me?_ It made him uneasy to think that he might be cause of their conflict.

"You have an exam this afternoon in Biology. That means Shuichi and I will have some time alone," she taunted him smiling purposefully at Shuichi.

"What does she mean by that," Shuichi asked completely confused.

"It's nothing," he growled throwing a warning glance at Yori. Turning to Shuichi his face softened. "Yori just wants to get to know you better." As he glared at her once more, his voice became hard. "Isn't that right? You certainly wouldn't want me to bother Mr. Brundidge now, would you?"

Although her smile never faded, Shuichi noticed a trace of fear in her dark brown eyes. "That won't be necessary. I'll take good care of Shuichi while you're away."

They finished their breakfast in an uneasy silence as Shuichi stole glances alternatively between Kaori and his sister. _Why were they fighting about me? Has it been this way all along? If I'm causing this much difficulty, I probably should leave._ He thought despondingly, but he had no idea where he would go. He took his dirty dishes to the kitchen and washed them in the sink. Kaori followed bringing his dirty dishes and washing them as well.

"Where have you put my luggage?" Shuichi asked finally breaking the silence. "I'd like to get cleaned up before we go."

"Yeah, about that," Kaori hesitated as if he didn't exactly know what to say. "The airline…lost your luggage. I'll let you borrow some of my clothes."

* * *

Kaemon diligently placed the medical supplies on their appropriate shelves in the clinic's store room. _Just six more months and I'll be an LPN, _he thought enthusiastically. This had been his dream ever since his first year at high school. During that year, one of his friends had been badly injured in an automobile accident and had spent two weeks in the hospital. Kaemon had reluctantly gone to visit him at first, but after witnessing the selfless dedication of the medical staff, he continued to visit every day. Not that he was unconcerned about his friend's well being; he was just incredibly interested in the varied tasks each nurse performed. From that day forward, he knew he wanted to be able to care for people the way the nurses had taken care of his friend. With the exception of a crazy six month period spent with an adorable pink haired singer, his entire post-high school life had been in pursuit of that goal which was now almost within his grasp.

"Kaemon, are you in here?" Jennifer called unexpectedly making him jump nearly dropping the boxes he'd been stacking.

"What do you need," he asked the young medical office assistant.

"They need you in room 212 right away."

He groaned dramatically. "What do I have to mop up this time?"

"Quit your grousing," she smiled at his sour expression. "They need your services as an interpreter."

He perked up instantly. "I'm on my way!" _This is great! I haven't spoken to someone from Japan in a long time, _he reflected excitedly as he rushed toward his destination. _I wonder if they're here on vacation, or if they've recently moved here. I hope I'll be able to talk with them for a while!_ All of the questions he had planned to ask died as soon as he walked through the door and saw the person sitting on the examination table.

"Shuichi…is it really you," he exclaimed in shock. "What…has happened to you?" Kaemon wanted to cry. Shuichi's beautiful face was covered with cuts and bruises making him look almost exactly the same as he had the first time they'd met.

"Do…do I know you," Shuichi asked the handsome man standing before him.

"Naturally I'd expect my ex-fiancé to remember me," he said his voice wavering slightly with emotion.

Shuichi's mouth widened in shock. _I was engaged to him? When had this happened? Why did we break up? Damn it! Why can't I remember? _"We…were lovers?"

"I know I look different with short hair, but I didn't think I looked that different!" Shuichi could tell he was trying to be light hearted about their reunion, but the pain in his eyes gave him away.

"Kaemon, do you know this young man?" The nurse asked putting her arm around him consolingly. It broke her heart to see her young friend in such pain.

"We were lovers," Kaemon admitted sadly. "What's happened to him?"

"Aside from the numerous cuts and bruises and blunt trauma to his left prietal, he seems to be suffering from post-traumatic amnesia." She gave his arm a gentle squeeze. "I'll give you a few moments alone with him."

Throughout their conversation, Shuichi had been studying their facial expressions to try to figure out what they might be saying. By now he was extremely frustrated by not being able to understand most of what was going on around him. To his relief, their conversation didn't last long. After taking one last concerned glance at the young orderly, she quietly slipped out the door.

"Can you remember anything from your past at all," Kaemon asked as he ran his fingers gently through Shuichi's hair to check his injury.

Shuichi jumped in pain as Kaemon's fingers grazed the tender spot on the left side of his head. "I'm beginning to remember bits and pieces, but I can't seem to make any sense out of it."

"Can you describe what you can remember?" He began to gently touch Shuichi's face. _His hands…it really does feel like I've felt his touch before. Moreover, his movements…they seem so natural…clearly this isn't the first time he's touched me like this! _Although it felt so familiar, Shuichi still couldn't remember him.

He frowned in concentration. "I can remember a lady…she looks like she's in her early to mid forties with dark hair and violet eyes…"

"Just like yours," he answered Shuichi's sentence for him. "You're remembering your mother. The few times I saw her I was always struck by the resemblance between the two of you…especially in the eyes."

"You…met my mother?"

"Only a few times," Kaemon said looking down sadly. "She was so depressed when you told her that Yuki had left you for good, you didn't have the heart to tell her about us."

"Who's Yuki?"

"Didn't he bring you here?" He looked at Shuichi in alarm.

"No, I came here with Kaori Nakamura."

"Who is that?" Kaemon asked grabbing him by the shoulders.

"He…he's my lover." Shuichi answered timidly, shocked by his forceful reaction.

"When did this…how long have you been lovers," he stammered in shock. _This can't be true. I didn't think Shuichi would ever leave Yuki!_

"He says we met and fell in love in a chat room six months ago." Shuichi explained hesitantly. "Apparently I came to New York to visit him."

_There's something not right about this,_ Kaemon thought trying to keep a handle on the concern that was rising within him._ When I get my lunch break, I've got to get in touch with K and find out what's going on!_


	6. Attraction

Disclaimer: As I've mentioned before, I don't own Gravitation. Additionally, the information regarding the fictional band Bad Luck was gathered from Wikipedia. If any of the information happens to be wrong, please send me the correct information and I will rectify the error ASAP!

BTW, I just want to thank all of you who have reviewed my story so far. It really gives me a boost to hear your wonderful comments and constructive criticisms!

* * *

K walked quickly down the hallway to the suite he'd booked for Yuki and Shuichi. He'd considered himself fortunate that he'd been able to get a seat on the first available flight. Of course he could have been here sooner if Yuki had let him tell Tohma what was going on, but things have been tense between the two of them ever since he and Shuichi had gotten back together. K had often wondered why that was so, _but that's not what's important now, _he reminded himself as he knocked on the door.

He gasped audibly at the haggard look on Yuki's normally flawless face. "You look terrible!"

"Then my face is accurately mirroring my feelings," he growled irritably as he let K into the room.

_This isn't good. It looks like he hasn't slept all night. I bet he hasn't eaten anything either. _"I take it from your cheerful disposition that you haven't made any progress since we last spoke." He shot K a warning glance clearly conveying that this was not the time to be cracking any jokes. "Alright, calm down," he admonished nervously. He'd seen Yuki lose his temper before and he definitely was not in any hurry to see it again. "What area have you already covered?"

"Before dark last night, I searched nearly half of Central Park. When it got too dark to search the park, I tried calling all of the hospitals nearby to see if Shuichi had been admitted. As soon as the sun rose this morning, I went back and searched the rest of Central Park." Yuki walked over to the window. "I was…thinking about calling the morgue…but I just can't bring myself to do it."

"Now wait a minute Yuki, don't give up hope just yet," K said trying his best to console him. "I've already called some of my contacts here in the city. Even now as we speak they're out looking for Shuichi." The sound of Bad Luck's latest hit suddenly filled the room as K pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. "Hello…well this is a surprise! I haven't heard from you in a while…Could you repeat that?...Really…" K smiled and looked reassuringly at Yuki. "Hold on a minute," he said as he pulled a small notebook and a pen from his jacket pocket. "Alright I'm ready…yeah I got it...Thanks, Kaemon we really owe you one! What's that?...nothing at all?...I understand…we'll meet you there in an hour." K shoved the cell phone back in his pocket and turned toward Yuki. "I've got good news and bad news which would you rather hear first?"

"Now is not the time to be jerking me around," he spat out in warning.

"I know, I'm sorry," K said backing away slightly at Yuki's intense expression. "That was Kaemon on the phone. He knows where we can find Shuichi…"

"Come on! Let's go," Yuki cut K off as he headed for the door.

"Wait a minute Yuki," K said trying his best to impede his progress. "There's just one problem. It seems that Shuichi has post-traumatic amnesia."

"He's lost all of his memories," Yuki asked stopping suddenly in shock. "How did it happen?"

"Shuichi was beaten by a group of thugs," K began nervously. "A guy named Kaori Nakamura found him wandering around Central Park…"

* * *

"Are you sure you'll be alright here while I'm gone," Kaori asked as he gently wrapped his arms around Shuichi.

"I'll be fine," he said as he tentatively slipped his arms around Kaori's neck. "The medicine has already made my headache go away."

"I'm glad you're feeling better!" Giving his sister a warning glance he said, "Remember our agreement!"

"How could I forget," she answered sarcastically. "Don't worry, Shuichi and I will have a wonderful time while you're at class! Won't we Shuichi?"

"S..sure we will." This whole situation was making Shuichi decidedly nervous, but before he had the chance to dwell on the implications of Yori's words, Kaori kissed him. Unlike the sweet little peck he gave Shuichi last night, it was long and passionate. Kaori was very skilled at kissing, and now that Shuichi was feeling better, it awakened his desire. Kaori's lips brushing across his, his hands gently kneading every muscle on Shuichi's back pressing their bodies more closely together, it made him sorry Kaori had to leave.

"I'll come home as quickly as I can. I only have to take an exam so I shouldn't have to stay the whole two hours." He reassured Shuichi.

Kaori walked into the hallway and looked longingly back at Shuichi before reluctantly closing the door.

Yori sighed in relief. She looked at Shuichi sadly like she really wanted to say something, but couldn't find the right words. He shuffled nervously as she silently attempted to sort out her conflicting emotions. After several long uncomfortable minutes, she finally came to terms with whatever was troubling her. "I'm sorry it has been so tense around here. You seem like a really nice person and…I just hope you'll regain your memories soon."

"Then…you don't hate me," Shuichi asked timidly.

She smiled at him warmly. "No, I don't hate you. I just wish…" she sighed again. "Would you like some tea?"

"Yes I'd love some," Shuichi answered in relief. He really wanted to know what was bothering her, but he couldn't bring himself to ask her about it. He sat at the bar and watched as she filled the tea kettle with water.

"Why don't you tell me about you and your brother?" She turned and looked at Shuichi with a mixture of sorrow and fear. "I…I know you probably have already told me these things," he stammered nervously, "but I would really like to know more about you both. Maybe it will help me gain some more memories." He added hoping to make her feel more at ease.

"You've already regained some of your memories," she asked hopefully.

"Well, it's not a memory exactly. I've just been able to remember what my mother looks like, but you haven't answered my question."

She sighed and smiled at him in concession. "We were born in Tokyo. Our father was the head of personnel at the Yamamoto Corporation's main office. When we were eight years old, father's superiors decided to expand their business into America. They opened a new branch here in New York and made my father the president. It was difficult for the two of us to adjust to life here. Although we'd been learning English in grade school, we still didn't know it well enough to keep from getting picked on by the other kids." The kettle whistled causing her to pause in her story as she poured the boiling water over the tea bags she'd placed in each of the cups. As she handed Shuichi his tea, she continued.

"Although we both eventually learned how to talk and relate to the other kids, I noticed that there was still something bothering Kaori. We're obviously not identical twins, but we still share a bond that is stronger than the bond shared by siblings. Then one day he forgot to lock his bedroom door and I caught him making out with his first lover. We were juniors in high school and his lover was the tutor my father had hired to help my brother with his SAT's." She blushed as if she were reliving the memory.

"Kaori apologized to me for an entire month. He was so afraid I would be repulsed by his homosexuality that he broke up with his lover and quit taking lessons from him. I felt horrible about it when I found out. Although I sometimes like to tease him about it, I really don't care who he falls in love with as long as he's happy. But it has always been hard for me to stand idly by whenever Kaori has gotten involved with someone I know will break his heart."

"And you're afraid that I will break your brother's heart," Shuichi interjected uneasily.

"Yes," Yori agreed, "but not for the reasons you might be imagining," she hastened to add when she noticed the hurt expression that crossed his face.

They sipped at their tea in constrained silence. Their conversation seemed to bring Yori's inner conflict back to life. _I wish I could do something to help her._ Shuichi thought sincerely concerned._ She's such a nice person, and I can tell that she loves her brother more than anything… _A memory suddenly popped into Shuichi's head.

"You got him to sign my favorite book!" The beautiful young girl squealed throwing her arms around his neck. "Shuichi you're the best brother ever!"

"Shuichi…hey are you okay," Yori asked in alarm.

"I…have a sister! I can remember my sister!" He closed my eyes in an attempt to desperately hold on to the image of her face. _Please let me remember more. All of the precious memories I've taken for granted. I want to remember them all!_

"I have an idea," Yori said decisively. "I'll be right back." She disappeared momentarily into Kaori's room and reappeared a few moments later with an arm full of magazines. "These are all of the J-Pop magazines my brother has collected. Each one of them has at least one article about Bad Luck. I thought you might like to read them. Hopefully, you'll be able to remember more!"

"Yori this is great!" Shuichi enthusiastically took the magazines and placed them on the coffee table. Curling up comfortably on the couch, he grabbed the first magazine with trembling hands. His picture was on the cover with two other young men. One of them had dark green hair and brown eyes, the other had long red hair and brown eyes. Shuichi stared at their faces for a long time trying his best to remember something about them. He felt like he should remember something, especially when he looked at the red head, but he kept drawing a blank. _Maybe I'm trying too hard, _Shuichi thought as he scanned the magazine for the article that had been written about them. Once he finally found it, he happily noted that there were more pictures. _This must have been one of the first articles written about Bad Luck! _There were pictures of them individually which included some personal details about each one of them.

Shindou Shuichi age 19, birth date April 16, blood type A, height 165 cm, weight 51 kg. His favorite band is Nittle Grasper (Sakuma Ryuichi is his idol!) and his favorite food is strawberry Pocky. Fujisaki Suguru age 16, birth date July 6, blood type A, height 160 cm, weight 49 kg. He is an avid fan of classical music and video games. His favorite food is melon. Nakano Hiroshi age 19, birth date August 4, blood type B, height 180 cm, weight 62 kg. His favorite band is also Nittle Grasper, and his favorite foods are caramel corn and yakiniku.

Shuichi was beginning to remember something...the three of them together at the photo shoot laughing and the red head teasing him about someone…_Hiroshi…Hiro! _Another memory materialized. Hiro and Shuichi were in the living room watching their very first Nittle Grasper video on television. They were so impressed by their idol's music and the way they looked. At that moment, they both knew that they wanted to be just like Nittle Grasper. _Damn it! __A couple of memories about Hiro and some random memories about my mother and sister, and that's all._ _Why can't I remember more? I want to remember them all. I want to fill this terrible emptiness and end this dark nightmare._

"I'm home," Kaori called happily as he entered the apartment. Shuichi saw his face go in quick succession from ghostly pale to sickly green before it settled on a threatening dark red. _They're going to start arguing in English again…about me,_ Shuichi thought as an overwhelming sense of guilt gripped his heart. Yori stood up and braced herself for the inevitable storm that was about to descend upon her. Kaori didn't give her much time to prepare. Within moments, he was in the living room and in her face.

"I can't believe you did this to me," he screamed at her. "Don't you care about me at all? Don't you want me to be happy?"

"Of course I want you to be happy, you idiot," she yelled not backing down an inch. "But can't you see how wrong it is to keep Shuichi in the dark like this! Just like us, he has family and friends, who love him. Even though he can't remember them, his heart still yearns for them. Haven't you noticed the sorrow and longing in his eyes?" Seeing his confusion, she threw her hands up in frustration. "You've been so busy weaving your lies to keep Shuichi all to yourself; you haven't even considered how all of this is affecting him. How would you feel, if you suddenly lost all of your memories. Wouldn't it bother you – not being able to remember your past, your loved ones? Wouldn't you want to do all you could to regain what you had lost?" She gestured toward Shuichi and he wished more than ever that he could understand what she was saying. "After you left for class, Shuichi remembered his sister. At first he looked really happy, but then I could tell that he was desperately trying to remember more. It broke my heart to see him like that. Shuichi will never be truly happy without the memories that formed him into the special person that he is. If you really love him like you say you do, you should want him to regain his memories. You have to realize that's the only way he can truly be happy."

"But what if he doesn't love me in return? What if he remembers everything…and goes back to Yuki? He can't possibly love Shuichi more than I do. I can't let Shuichi go back to that cold, indifferent person!"

"Listen to yourself Kaori!" She grabbed him by the shoulders as if she were trying to shake some sense into him. "You can't make someone love you, no matter how hard you try, and you certainly won't have a good relationship with Shuichi, if you're always worried about keeping things hidden from him. Besides, I think you know in your heart that he will eventually remember at least a portion of his past. When he finds out you've been deceiving him…"

"He will hate me." Kaori stole a glance at Shuichi, who purposefully buried his blushing face in the magazine he'd been browsing through. Kaori had known all along what he was doing was wrong. He had let his overwhelming desire for Shuichi override his morals and he hated himself for letting it get to this point. But now that he'd had the chance to really hold and kiss Shuichi, he couldn't stop himself from wanting more. "I'm sorry Yori. I know this has been hard on you, and I know you don't approve of what I'm doing, but I can't stop this now. Please let me pretend Shuichi is my lover for just a few days more. Maybe I can make him fall in love with me before he remembers everything."

"Kaori I don't like this game that you're playing," but her resolve was beginning to waiver. Whenever her brother pleaded with her like that she always gave in to him. She sighed in exasperation. "Alright, you win, but you'd better not screw things up for me at school. You're gonna need me to help you pick up the pieces when this mess hits the fan!"

He smiled gratefully at her. "I was bluffing anyway. You should have known I wouldn't do anything like that to you!"

"You bastard," she said slugging him on the arm as she went into the kitchen to fix dinner.

Kaori sat next to Shuichi and looked at the article that he'd been reading. "I like this picture of you," he said as he put his arm around Shuichi's shoulder.

Kaori's remorseful voice that trembled with a touch of fear made Shuichi's heartbeat quicken. He stole a glance at Kaori's face. The anguished resignation in his eyes was almost too much for Shuichi to bear. "Is there something wrong?"

"I'm just…thinking about how much time I have left with you. I've always thought 'a few days, if I could just spend a few days with him, it would be perfect.' But now that you're here, I don't ever want you to leave." He softly stroked Shuichi's cheek. "I know I shouldn't be so selfish, but I can't help it. I love you Shuichi! I can't help wanting to always be by your side."

At that moment Shuichi acted on impulse and kissed him. Kaori was as surprised as Shuichi was by his actions. It was the first time he'd ever taken the initiative with Kaori. He kissed Shuichi hesitantly as if he was trying to hold himself back, but Shuichi didn't want him to hold himself back! His lips parted eagerly inviting Kaori's tongue to enter. That was all the encouragement he needed. Kaori pressed deeper into their kiss and pulled Shuichi onto his lap.

"Ah, excuse me…" Somehow Shuichi heard Yori's embarrassed voice over the beating of his heart. They quickly parted blushing and breathless. "I'm sorry to…um…interrupt you like this, but could you go pick us up some noodles for the stir fry?"


	7. Despondency

Yuki nervously followed K down the hallway that led to Kaemon's apartment. He'd never met Shuichi's ex-lover, and he wasn't particularly interested in meeting with him now. He just wanted to see with his own eyes that Shuichi was alive and well. His stomach churned uncomfortably when he remembered that once again Shuichi had been hurt because of him. _If only I hadn't pushed him away…he would be alright now if I hadn't pushed him away._

Another thought entered Yuki's mind making his stomach twist into a ball of knots. _Why do we have to go to Kaemon's apartment first? What is Kaemon's motive? Is he trying to take Shuichi from me again? If Shuichi had to choose between the two of us now, would he still choose me?_ Yuki painfully remembered the way he felt when he learned about Shuichi and Kaemon's engagement. _I can't lose him again! _Yuki was so deep in his tormented thoughts he didn't notice when they stopped or that K had knocked on Kaemon's door. The door abruptly opened pulling Yuki from his contemplation and revealing a handsome red haired man with brilliant green eyes.

"You must be Andrew," K said greeting him warmly. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine," Andrew answered sincerely. "If it weren't for you, Kaemon would have never moved to New York, and I would never have found my soul mate!"

"You're Kaemon's lover?" Yuki asked Andrew in shock.

"Yup!" Andrew blushed smiling straightforwardly.

"You…you knew about this," Yuki asked K an angry glare quickly replacing his astonished expression.

"Sorry, my bad," K said smiling uncomfortably at Yuki's menacing countenance. _I'd better quit pissing him off,_ he admonished himself. _This is the third time today, and by the look on his face now, I don't think I'll survive if I do it again!_ "Um…have you learned anything about this Kaori Nakamura," he asked Andrew in an attempt to divert Yuki's attention.

"He's a student at NYU currently working toward his MBA. He's a good student, not one of the best but well above average. His twin sister Yori also attends NYU. She's working toward a MA in counseling. Their father, Teijo Nakamura is the president of Yamamoto Corporation's branch office here in New York." Andrew looked at Yuki apologetically. "I'm sorry, but this is all I could find on such short notice."

"Did Kaemon get a chance to talk with Kaori before he left the clinic with Shuichi?" K wondered aloud.

"No, he didn't have the chance."

"Look, just give us Kaori's address so we can go get Shuichi," Yuki said trying hard to suppress the anxiety in his voice.

"I'm sorry," Andrew apologized sincerely, "but you're going to have to wait for Kaemon." He held his hands up to stave off Yuki's protest. "When Kaemon called earlier, he said his friend Jennifer would give him Kaori's address before he left work today." Noting the impatience on Yuki's face he added, "I realize it must be difficult for you to wait like this but, Jennifer could get into some serious trouble if she gets caught handing out personal information from a patient's file."

Kaemon suddenly burst through the apartment door. "Great you're already here! Have you already explained everything?" Andrew nodded in affirmation. "Good! I've got the address! Let's go get Shuichi!"

* * *

Kaori and Shuichi walked into the entrance of the apartment complex carrying the groceries they'd purchased for dinner.

"Yori's really gonna be mad at me for buying all of this food," Kaori said sheepishly as they waited for the elevator.

"You can blame it on me if…"

"Shuichi!"

Kaori and Shuichi both turned around equally shocked that someone was calling his name. Shuichi gasped as he saw four men hastily descending upon them. Outside of Kaemon, who he'd seen earlier, there was a man with long, blond hair pulled back into a ponytail, a red head with piercing green eyes, and possibly the most handsome man he'd ever seen also with blond hair and mesmerizing golden eyes. Kaori maneuvered himself defensively in front of Shuichi, as he stood there frozen in fear.

"Shuichi, we've come to take you back." Yuki exclaimed walking toward him. Kaori made an attempt to block his path, but one threatening glance from Yuki's angry eyes backed him quickly away.

"Who are you," Shuichi asked looking into those golden eyes which were as close to perfection as humanly possible.

"I'm Eiri Yuki, your real lover."

"But Kaori is…" Shuichi started unable to tear his gaze away from Yuki's eyes.

"Kaori is lying to you," Yuki cut him off. "For the past two years you've been living with me."

Suddenly Shuichi felt Kaori's strong arms wrap around him. "I love you Shuichi! I was the one who found you wandering lost and alone. If Yuki truly is your lover, why wasn't he there when you needed him? I was there for you. I'll always be here for you!" He gently turned Shuichi to face him and gave him a sweet, soft kiss letting his lips linger before he slowly pulled away with a triumphant look on his face.

Shuichi glanced at Yuki in trepidation. His eyes were shooting daggers into Kaori. "If you really are my lover," Shuichi began hesitantly. "where were you when those guys beat me up? Why was I left all alone? Why didn't you come and find me?" Unwelcome tears began to spill over his cheeks, and he buried his face into Kaori's chest.

Kaori wrapped his arms around Shuichi. "It's alright love, I'm here for you," He whispered soothingly and it was impossible not to notice the supreme pleasure he derived from Yuki's anguished expression.

"I didn't know you were in danger." Yuki mumbled his voice heavily laced with guilt and pain. It was distressing to have Shuichi looking at him with that distant, unemotional face. He was so used to Shuichi always looking at him like a love sick school girl. _Why…why are you looking at Kaori the way you always used to look at me? _"You're coming with me," he yelled suddenly grabbing Shuichi by his wrist and pulling him forcefully from Kaori's comforting embrace.

"What do you think you're doing?" Shuichi yelled indignantly. "Stop, you're hurting me! Let me go!" He began to struggle but it was to no avail.

"Get your filthy hands off him!" Kaori screamed throwing a wild punch at Yuki's face.

Yuki easily dodged his punch and accelerated his fall to the ground with a well timed shove. Kaori refused to let Shuichi go without a fight. He went after Yuki again, but this time he was caught from behind and held back by K.

Shuichi was really beginning to panic. "Let go of me! I don't want to go with you! I want to stay with Kaori!"

Yuki stopped suddenly and looked at him with so much pain in his eyes it made Shuichi wince uncomfortably. Then, in the blink of an eye, all of the emotion that was emanating from his pale, stunning face evaporated leaving behind a cold, indifferent expression. "That's the way it is," he said with a harsh, icy tone. "I'll leave you to your 'lover' then!" With that he turned on his heel and walked nonchalantly away.

"What in the hell are you doing Yuki?" Kaemon yelled as he followed him out of the building.

Shuichi watched him leave with a mixture of relief and anxiety. _What is this feeling in my chest all of a sudden? He was trying to kidnap me! Why am I all upset by that pained look on his face?_

Kaori shook himself away from a stunned K and once again enveloped Shuichi in a protective hug. "Are you alright?" Shuichi didn't hear what he was saying. He just kept staring at the rapidly retreating form of the person who also claimed to be his lover.

K walked into Shuichi's line of sight. "I'm K, the manager of Bad Luck. Could I have a few moments alone with Shuichi," he asked Kaori in a tone clearly stating that resistance would be futile.

"I'll wait for you by the elevator." Kaori said apprehensively as he gave Shuichi's arm a reassuring squeeze. Then he reluctantly walked over to the elevator and began to pick up the groceries that had been scattered across the floor during the scuffle.

"I know all of this must be terribly confusing for you," K whispered in Shuichi's ear keeping a wary eye on Kaori, "but regardless of the way he acted just now, Yuki really is your lover. He's been searching for you non-stop. I don't think he slept a wink last night, and I'm afraid he hasn't eaten anything since you disappeared yesterday." Noting the concern on Shuichi's face, he continued with renewed confidence. "Yuki loves you very much. He may be hurt and angry now, but he won't stay that way for long." He hastily scribbled something in the small notebook he surreptitiously pulled out of his pocket and handed it to him. "This is the address to the Windsor Hotel where Yuki is staying. He's in suite 816, just in case you change your mind and decide to go to him, but no matter who you choose, you still have an obligation to N-G Studios as the vocalist of Bad Luck. Eventually you will have to return to Japan." With that, he turned and resolutely followed Andrew out of the building.

"What was that all about," Kaori asked trying hard to hide the dread that was welling up inside him.

"We were just discussing my obligation to N-G Studios," Shuichi said hoping he would drop the subject.

"Is that all," he sighed in relief. "Well then let's get going, shall we?" As he started toward the elevator, Shuichi shoved the address K had given him into his pocket and quietly fell into step behind him.

* * *

"Damn it Yuki! What the hell is wrong with you?" Kaemon demanded running ahead of Yuki and planting himself firmly in his path. "Get your ass back in there! How can you just leave Shuichi like that?"

"Didn't you notice the way he looked at that guy? Did you not see how…well they were getting along? Shuichi's already fallen in love with him!" Yuki pushed him aside and continued walking toward Andrew's car.

"I saw the way he looked at Kaori," Kaemon argued confidently. "and I can tell you with one hundred percent certainty that Shuichi does not love him."

"You have no idea what you are talking about!" Yuki turned on him angrily. "You have no idea how quickly that annoying brat can fall in love with someone, or how stubbornly he clings to the person he loves!"

"Have you forgotten that I was once in love with Shuichi myself?" Kaemon yelled hastily closing the gap between them. "Shuichi looked at Kaori the way he always used to look at me." He pulled his wallet from his back pocket retrieved a tattered piece of paper from within and after carefully unfolding it, he handed it to Yuki. "Shuichi will never love anyone the way he loves you. This picture helped me realize that fact."

Yuki carefully took the picture from Kaemon. "Where did you get this?"

"I printed it off the internet. It served as a reminder to me…that Shuichi never had and never would love me as much as he loves you. Every time I would think about him, I would look at this picture and it would always remind me of that fact." He smiled as he saw his lover walking toward them. "Now that I have Andrew, I don't need it anymore."

"I don't understand," Yuki muttered in confusion. _This must have been taken during our vacation last year. It was supposed to be a private beach! How did they get close enough to take this?_

"This was the final shot in a series of three pictures that was taken when the two of you were kissing, "he said as he pointed to the photo. "You are the only person who could make Shuichi shine like this. It doesn't matter that he can't remember you. Shuichi's heart will always belong to you."

Yuki stared at the breathtaking expression on Shuichi's beautiful face. Memories of that perfect day flooded into his mind making his heart ache. _If only that were true! _"You're too much of a romantic," he said handing back the photo and walking dejectedly away.


	8. Ominous

K sat at the desk in Yuki's hotel room searching the internet on his laptop in an attempt to learn all he could about post-traumatic amnesia._ If Shuichi was unable to regain his memories, could he lose his ability to write lyrics?_ K pondered as he searched for a site that would give him the explanation he sought in layman's terms rather than the complicated medical jargon he'd been reading. He suddenly got an instant message from Kaemon.

Kaemon: FYI, Shuichi has another doctor appointment today.

K: Does that mean there's something seriously wrong with him?

Kaemon: No, it's nothing really. It's basically a routine procedure for someone with amnesia. Actually, the doctor is optimistic that he'll make a full recovery since he's already started remembering some things! BTW, his appointment is at 11:30. I've got to go to work now. Talk to you later.

K was relieved to hear that Shuichi's doctor expected him to make a full recovery. After all, Bad Luck was one of the most popular bands in Japan. Besides, he'd begun to grow very fond of the annoying little pink haired singer. In reality, Shuichi was almost as important to him as Ryuichi. Now that he was more optimistic about Shuichi's recovery, K exited out of the mind numbing medical reports and began checking his email.

The sunlight inched across the pillow as the morning wore on slowly advancing toward Yuki's sweat soaked face. His breathing was irregular again and he'd started to mumble loud enough for K to hear him over his fingers softly tapping across the keys on his laptop.Yuki was suddenly jolted awake. He'd been dreaming about Shuichi again. The empty pillow next to him made him wish he could leave reality and go back into the dream he'd just had. The picture that Kaemon had shown him yesterday was probably the cause of it. He smiled as the memory of that perfect day drifted once again into his mind. They had taken a stroll along the beach. Shuichi was simply radiant that day the way the sunlight danced across his hair as it fluttered softly in the breeze, his laughter that blended with the pounding surf, and the blissful smile that lit up his face. Yuki's smile evaporated as quickly as the dream began to fade from his consciousness._ It's too late now._ He thought glumly._ Shuichi has already made his choice._

Wearily getting out of bed, Yuki got dressed and went to join K in the living room.

"It's about time you got up," K teased him as his fingers effortlessly tapped across the keys never missing a beat. "I took the liberty of ordering you some muffins and orange juice for breakfast. I can have someone bring you up some hot tea or coffee if you'd like."

"You shouldn't have bothered. I'm really not hungry."

"You barely touched your dinner last night," K exclaimed as he shut down his laptop. "How are you going to have the strength to fight for Shuichi if you don't eat properly?"

"Didn't you hear anything I said last night," he asked irritably. "Shuichi has already made his choice. There's nothing I can do. He doesn't even know me anymore."

"Kaemon says that Shuichi will never stop loving you, and I happen to agree with him. You didn't see the way he looked at you as you were walking out of Kaori's apartment building last night. Besides, Kaemon told me this morning that Shuichi's doctor is optimistic he will make a full recovery since he has already begun to remember some things."

"He still hasn't remembered anything about our relationship." Yuki chuckled mirthlessly. "If he remembers everything about it, he'll be even more reluctant to put himself back into that mess again."

"Shuichi is so deeply in love with you, he'd endure anything just to be with you." K smiled at him reassuringly. "Just hurry up and eat something already. He has another doctor appointment today, and we don't want to be too late to 'accidently' bump into him now do we?"

Yuki sullenly picked up a muffing and took a bite. _Why would I want to put myself through the misery of looking into Shuichi's distant eyes again?_ He grumbled quietly to himself._ K should just drop it and let me be._ _I'm not going to waste my time chasing after someone who's forgotten all about me and has already moved on. _He took another bite off the muffin. _But still, if Shuichi is beginning to regain his memories, maybe he'll eventually remember…_ He threw down the half eaten muffin. "I'm going out!"

"Just in case you're wondering," K began trying his best to sound casual, "Shuichi will be at the NYU health clinic for his appointment at 11:30."

Yuki refused to acknowledge him as he walked out the door.

* * *

"You've really been making progress!" Kaemon said as he walked with Shuichi toward the front desk. "I'm glad that you've finally been able to remember me! I can't imagine how difficult it must have been for you. Not being able to remember about your past."

"It's been awful!" Shuichi shuddered at the thought. "But I'm glad I've begun to remember the people who've been so important to me! I'm glad I remembered you Kaemon. I just wish I could remember more about our relationship." He squirmed awkwardly, "Though maybe it's better if I don't remember. The way you described our time together, it sounds as if I was using you."

"You never used me. I always knew that you were still in love with Yuki. I was the one who initiated everything. Besides, I know you honestly cared for me, and you tried your best to love me. Maybe if I'd met you before you fell in love with Yuki…" his voice trailed off with just a hint of longing. "But I have Andrew now." Thinking about his lover made Kaemon smile and blush slightly.

"I doubt you ever smiled at me like that," Shuichi teased him. "Maybe you weren't as much in love with me as you thought you were!"

"You may be right!" Kaemon said blushing even deeper. "What about Yuki," he hesitantly asked. "Have you remembered anything about him yet?"

"Not anything specific yet," he said as they neared the front desk. A nurse opened the door to the waiting room and called for the next patient. Shuichi could see Kaori fidgeting nervously as he waited for his return. "But yesterday, when I looked into his eyes…how should I put this? I just felt like I should know him, but then he got angry and tried to force me to go with him. It scared me, and that's why I said I wanted to stay with Kaori."

"Shuichi you must realize by now that Yuki really is your lover." Kaemon said anxiously taking him by the arm. "You know that Kaori has been lying to you, right?"

"I..I don't know," Shuichi stammered noting the look on Kaemon's face he continued, "Look, you don't understand. You don't know what state I was in when he found me. I looked like I'd stepped out of a horror movie with my face all bloodied and bruised. I couldn't get anyone to understand what I was saying. Everyone kept running away from me when I tried asking for help. I was so lost, alone, and afraid. Then Kaori came along and helped me. He and his sister have been so kind to me."

"But can't you see that he's been lying to you?" Kaemon asked fighting the panic that was rising up within him.

"Kaemon… I like him…I might really like him, and well…Yuki doesn't seem like he's all that interested in me anyway…"

"Yuki loves you!" Kaemon blurted out much louder than he intended. He looked at the curious glances he was getting from his coworkers and pulled Shuichi a discrete distance away from them. "You didn't see the look on his face yesterday after he left you with Kaori. He's just never been the kind of person who's able to show his emotions. Besides, once you remember Yuki, your feelings for him will completely eclipse whatever feelings you have for Kaori."

"How can you be so sure?" Shuichi marveled at his composure. _If I'd been rejected by a lover the way Kaemon had, would I be able to treat him with the same kindness that he's shown me?_

"I know how much you love Yuki! It's all here," he gently touched the area over Shuichi's heart, "waiting to be released!" He glanced at his watch. "Well, I'd better get back to work. Do your best to remember Yuki, and please be careful about Kaori. I'm afraid his motives may not be as pure as you think they are."

* * *

Kaori sat in the clinic's waiting room flipping absentmindedly through a woefully outdated _Sports Illustrated_ magazine. Ever since their encounter with Yuki and his buddies last night, Shuichi had begun to remember his past at an alarming rate. Although he still didn't seem to remember anything about Yuki, Kaori knew it was just a matter of time before Shuichi remembered his real lover and left him for good.

The nurse called the next patient in and Kaori caught a glance of Shuichi and Kaemon talking intimately with one another. He couldn't help but worry about their friendship, especially now that he knew they had once been lovers themselves. Fear, despair, and anxiety braided themselves into an impenetrable cord and wrapped itself around Kaori's heart. After their encounter with Yuki, Shuichi had been less enthusiastic about kissing him as he had before. Kaori knew the time he had to completely win Shuichi's heart was swiftly coming to an end. _I love Shuichi so much,_ Kaori thought frantically. _What can I do to keep him with me?_

He saw Shuichi coming toward him out of the corner of his eye and he buried his face in the magazine he'd been "reading," trying hard to look like he was actually interested in it.

Shuichi smiled at his awkward attempt to look casual. "I'm ready to leave now!"

"That sure took a while. Did you have a nice long chat with your friend Kaemon?" Although he was trying so hard not to look anxious, Shuichi could clearly see the worry in his eyes.

"Yes, I've been able to remember so much more! The doctor told me today that I will probably regain all of my memories!"

"All of them…is that so," he said with a distracted, sorrowful expression. They walked out of the clinic and started heading back to Kaori's apartment. "Would you like something to…eat…"

Shuichi glanced up to see what had sidetracked him and was shocked to see Eiri Yuki walking toward them. "What are you doing here," he asked unable to stop his voice from trembling.

"I'm going to my favorite coffee shop," Yuki lied looking deeply into Shuichi's eyes.

"I…um, that is…" For some reason Shuichi couldn't concentrate when Yuki looked at him in that way. "I'm sorry about yesterday. I wish I could remember you. I really do, but…"

"Don't worry about that for now," he said with a hint of sorrow in his voice. "Would you like to have a cup of tea, or some coffee?"

"I…" Shuichi looked nervously at Kaori. He was scowling angrily at Yuki as if he would like nothing better than to beat him senseless. "I'm sorry I can't. Kaori and I were about to go to lunch."

"I see," Yuki answered sadly. "I'm glad I had the chance to run into you again." The wind blew some hair into Shuichi's eyes. He reached up and casually pushed it aside his fingertips lightly brushing his cheek in the process. Shuichi could feel the heat rising in his face and he knew by its intensity that it must be a deep shade of red. Yuki smiled at his reaction. Shuichi bit his lip and wished his quivering legs would stop shaking. "Your hair is getting long," Yuki casually mentioned. You'd been thinking about getting it cut once we got back home."

"H..have I now?" _What is wrong with me? I'm blushing this much just because he touched me, and my legs…going all weak like that just because he smiled!_ Shuichi looked anxiously at Kaori. "I…guess we'd better be going now." He turned to leave, but Yuki grabbed his arm.

"Come back to the hotel with me."

It sounded more like a command than a request. Shuichi didn't know why, but that really made him angry. "Look just because I'm attracted to you, that doesn't mean I'm going to automatically do whatever you tell me. What makes you think you can order me around like that?"

"At least you've gotten to the point where you can admit that you find me attractive!" Yuki had that same pained expression on his face again, but Shuichi was too angry at this point to feel bad about it.

"Why don't you just leave us alone?" Kaori asked wrapping his arms around Shuichi, pressing their bodies closely together and caressing his chest suggestively.

"Cut it out Kaori, we're in public!" Shuichi said giggling nervously as he playfully pushed him away. He winced this time when he saw Yuki's expression go from pain to anguish.

"I guess I'd better leave the two of you alone." Yuki looked once more into Shuichi's eyes as he turned to walk away.

"Yuki…I…I hope I'll have the chance to see you again." Shuichi blurted out unexpectedly surprising himself as well as Kaori and Yuki. "There are some things I would like to ask you."

"Don't worry. I'm sure our paths will cross again." Yuki responded looking pointedly at Kaori as if he was issuing him a challenge. Then he turned and began to walk nonchalantly away.

Shuichi wistfully watched Yuki fade into the crowd as a swirling ball of conflicting emotions churned in his stomach. _Why do my emotions react so strongly whenever Yuki is around? _

Kaori gripped Shuichi's hand and gave it a tense squeeze. "Let's go home," he said with an oddly strained voice. He started off at a brisk pace tugging a sluggish Shuichi behind him. _No, don't look at him with those eyes, _Kaori thought desperately as his blood began to boil. _He left you when you needed him the most. He couldn't possibly love you as much as I do! _As they made their way through the crowded streets, Shuichi began to hum the melody of a familiar song_. _Kaori's stomach churned violently, when he finally recognized the tune. It was "Look Around," the only Bad Luck song Kaori had ever hated because Shuichi had written it about Yuki. _I bet he's thinking about Yuki right now! Damn it! I swear I'm __not__ going to lose him. Not now that I've come this close._ He looked over at his oblivious little would-be lover and vowed._ One way or another Shuichi Shindou, you will be mine! _


	9. Breach

Yuki flopped unenthusiastically on the sofa in his suite thankful that K had finally managed to get his own hotel room. Although it was late at night, Yuki didn't want to go to sleep. He knew if he did, he would just dream about Shuichi again. _How is that any different from thinking about him all the time,_ Yuki wondered. Squeezing his eyes shut, he willed the images of Kaori wrapping his arms around Shuichi away. _What is taking Shuichi so long to remember me? He's been able to remember almost everyone else. Why doesn't he remember me?_ His cell phone rang pulling him from his angst-ridden thoughts.

"Hello."

"Hello, Yuki. This is Dr. Kinjo. I thought I'd give you a call to see how you were coming with the assignment I gave you."

_Yeah, that's right. I completely forgot about that._ Yuki thought as a lump automatically formed in his throat."Well, I went to Kitazawa's favorite place and wrote the letter to him, but I haven't been able to do anything more."

"What's happened," he asked his voice heavily laced with concern.

_Somehow he already knows something is wrong. _Yuki silently chuckled. _Dr. Schlucter had mentioned that he was even more intuitive than she was. _"Shuichi has post-traumatic amnesia as a result of being beaten by a group of thugs. The doctor he's been seeing is optimistic that he will eventually regain all of his memories," he continued hesitantly. Even though he'd been in therapy for the past two and a half years, it still made him uncomfortable to talk about stuff like this. "Actually, he's managed to remember a lot already, but for some reason, he still hasn't remembered me or the fact that we are lovers."

"I see," while he paused, Yuki could picture him in his office sitting at his desk with that thoughtful look furrowing his brow. "Why do you suppose he's having trouble remembering you?"

_Damn it! Not this again!_ Yuki sighed wearily. "I've already asked myself that question at least a dozen times. I honestly don't know what his problem is. Up until he lost his memory we were…well, we weren't exactly fine. While we were heading toward Kitazawa's favorite spot, I snapped at him and sent him down another path at the park. That's when he was attacked. Maybe he's having trouble remembering me because his last memory of me was when I was angry with him."

"That's a logical guess, but I don't think that is the case with Shuichi." Dr. Kinjo replied knowingly. "You've been like that from the very beginning of your relationship. Shuichi had pretty much gotten used to that fact. There's been something else that has been weighing on his mind for a long time now. If you think about it hard enough, I'm sure you will realize what it is."

"Do you know what it is Doctor," Yuki asked hopefully.

"Yes. Shuichi and I have talked about it often, but you know I can't discuss this with you. I'm sorry, but you're going to have to figure it out yourself."

"Thanks a lot, Doc," Yuki growled sarcastically into the phone.

Dr. Kinjo sighed long-sufferingly. "Just do the best you can. Shuichi truly loves you. Even if you aren't able to figure out what is impeding his memories about you, I'm sure he will eventually remember you."

_What if he's already fallen in love with another guy?_ Yuki thought bleakly. "Yeah, sure…I'll try."

"I'll see you Monday morning at our usual time then to discuss the assignments I've given you."

Yuki disconnected the line and slumped back on the sofa. _Is it already too late for me to win Shuichi back? He did say he wanted to meet with me though. Maybe there's still a chance…_

* * *

The shocking twist at the end of the horror movie made Shuichi jump and grab Kaori's shirt reflexively.

"That really got to you," Kaori laughed as he wrapped his arms around him.

"I must be a wimp when it comes to movies like that," he answered sheepishly wrapping his arms around Kaori's neck.

"If you guys are going to start that mushy stuff again, I'm going to bed!" Yori teased them as she stood up and stretched. "I'll see you in the morning."

Kaori waited until he heard her door shut then he started to kiss Shuichi. At first his kisses were gentle, but before long they became more sensual and urgent. Shuichi knew where this was leading, and he just wasn't ready for it yet.

"Kaori," Shuichi began gently pulling himself away. "I…can't. It's still too soon."

"Please Shuichi," Kaori whispered in his ear as he began to leave a trail of kisses from his jaw to his collar bone. "I want you. Please let me make love to you!"

Although his body was reacting to Kaori's touch and his soft voice whispering in his ear, Shuichi couldn't stop thinking about Yuki. "I'm sorry Kaori. I just don't feel right about doing this. Please just give me a little more time."

"Why?" Kaori backed away from him with tears forming in his dark eyes. "Why don't you want me?" Anger flashed across his face as a dark thought abruptly entered his mind. "Is it because of Yuki? Is that the reason you don't want to make love with me?"

"N..no! That's n..not the reason…" Shuichi stuttered fearfully.

"Yes it is!" The frenzied look on Kaori's face made Shuichi's heart freeze. "I can tell by the look on your face that you've been thinking about him! You told him this afternoon that you wanted to meet with him! You're going to go back to him aren't you?"

"Kaori, what are you talking about?" Shuichi's voice shook as he slowly got off the couch. "I'm not going to go anywhere."

"Don't lie to me!" Kaori jumped off the couch and grabbed his wrist.

"Stop it! You're hurting me!" Shuichi tried to pull away from him, but Kaori was too strong. He took Shuichi into his bedroom shutting and locking his door behind them.

Shuichi was beginning to panic. "I don't want to do this! Please don't do this to me," he began to whimper his voice rising in distress.

After grabbing a couple of ties from his dresser drawer, Kaori pushed him onto the bed.

"Kaori," Shuichi pleaded, "if you love me, please let me go." He cried out in pain as Kaori roughly tied his hands to the headboard. "Don't…" He started to sob loudly.

Kaori wadded the last tie and held it menacingly in front of Shuichi's face. "If you don't keep your voice down, I'll have to shove this into your pretty mouth. It would be an awful shame if I weren't able to kiss your sweet lips now wouldn't it?" Brushing the smooth fabric across his trembling lips, Kaori continued. "Will you be a good boy and keep quiet?"

Shuichi nodded his head careful to keep his voice in check as tears continued to flow freely from his terrified eyes. "Now let's have some fun," Kaori purred lustfully as he slowly stripped the lower half of Shuichi's trembling body.

While Kaori was having his way with him, Shuichi managed to regain his composure enough to come up with an escape plan. He decided to act like he enjoyed the way Kaori violated him in order to get him to untie his wrists. After he'd taken him for the second time, Kaori finally acquiesced to Shuichi's fervent requests and untied him. Silent tears began to once again stream down Shuichi's cheeks as he lay in Kaori's arms waiting for him to fall asleep. Every word that had been spoken and every disgusting thing he had done to convince Kaori that he wouldn't leave, made Shuichi sick to his stomach. Lying next to Kaori afterward was almost worse than being beaten by those hateful guys in Central Park, but Shuichi knew he had to make sure Kaori was completely asleep before he could make his escape.

As soon as Kaori began to snore loudly, Shuichi slipped quietly out of the bed, put his clothes on and crept into Yori's room.

"Yori," He whispered shaking her shoulder gently, "I'm sorry to bother you, but would you please wake up?"

"What is it," she said groggily. "Shuichi! What're you doing in here?"

"I have to get out of here." Tears began spilling over his cheeks again. "Please help me!"

Her eyes widened in shock when she turned on her bedside lamp and noticed the angry bruises on Shuichi's wrists. "Did he…force you?"

Shuichi put a hand over his mouth to stifle his voice as he nodded and began weeping even harder.

"Don't worry," she reassured him with a hug. "I'll take care of you." She apologized profusely to Shuichi as she pulled on a robe, called for a taxi, grabbed her purse and took him down to the street. "Do you know where any of your friends are staying?" Suddenly Shuichi remembered the address K had given him. He pulled it out of his pocket and handed it to her. When the taxi arrived, she handed the driver the address along with enough money to cover the fare. "I'm so sorry Shuichi," she said as she hugged him goodbye. "You are a good person, and I'm glad I had the chance to get to know you. I sincerely hope you have a long and happy life." As he climbed into the cab she added," Don't worry about my brother. I'll make sure he never bothers you again." Then she closed the door and waved to him as the cab drove away.

Shuichi stared numbly out the window with tears still streaming down his cheeks as he headed with an anxious heart to Yuki's hotel. During the past three hours, his already screwed up world had become even worse. He wanted nothing more than to forget what he'd endured this night, but his mind wouldn't let go of the images that were seared into his brain. Shuichi's body began to shake every time he remembered the look on Kaori's face. _I thought he really loved me. How could he hurt me like that?_

The driver dropped Shuichi off in front of one of the nicest hotels he'd ever seen. _This is where Yuki is staying?_ He walked cautiously across the lobby and into the elevator. Nervous and shaking uncontrollably, he rode the elevator to the eighth floor. On unsteady legs Shuichi made his way to suite 816 and knocked apprehensively on the door.

"Who in the hell…" Yuki gaped in astonishment when he saw Shuichi in tears and quivering. "What happened," he asked stepping back allowing him to enter the room.

"I… I didn't know where else to go," Shuichi started sobbing and shaking even harder as he stumbled into the room. Before he hit the floor, Yuki scooped him up into his strong arms causing him to flinch and cry even harder.

"What's happened to you," Yuki repeated quietly his voice heavily laced with concern as he set Shuichi on his feet once again.

Too ashamed to talk about it, Shuichi shook his head and hid his face behind his hands.

Yuki noticed the ugly bruises on Shuichi's wrists. _They look like the kind of marks that would have been made by a restraint of some kind,_ he observed as a hard knot formed in his stomach._ Judging by the severity of the wounds, he must have put up one hell of a struggle! _"Did that bastard take you by force?"

Pulling his hands slowly away from his face and keeping his eyes fixed on the floor, Shuichi nodded weakly. He couldn't look Yuki in the face. He wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to look any of his friends in the face. _How could I have been so stupid?_ Shuichi wondered for the thousandth time as he began to sob uncontrollably.

Yuki wrapped his arms around Shuichi and pulled him into a warm, comforting embrace. He stiffened fearfully a little at first, but relaxed once he realized there was no ulterior motive behind the gesture. Yuki's arms felt so good that before long he stopped crying and shaking.

Yuki was beyond livid. Whenever he thought of the things that Kaori had done to Shuichi, it made him angry enough to commit murder – again! But right now, Shuichi needed him. "You should get cleaned up and get some rest," he suggested as he reluctantly released him. He retrieved some pajamas from the wardrobe in the bedroom and handed them to Shuichi.

"I can't wear your pajamas," He protested as he reached for the silky garments. "They'll be much too large."

"Idiot," he chuckled affectionately. "They're your pajamas. Go take your bath so you can get some sleep before the night is up."

"But…there's only one bed in here," Shuichi said his voice once again shaking fearfully.

"Don't worry about it," Yuki said his face breaking into a sad, understanding smile. "I'll sleep on the sofa."

"No! I can't force you out of your bed like that!" _He seemed so scary the other day when I first refused to go with him._ Shuichi thought in astonishment. _I never guessed he could be so kind._ "I'll sleep on the sofa since I'm smaller than you."

"Alright, have it your way." He conceded easily. Yuki watched Shuichi walk tentatively into the bathroom. He heard the distinctive click as the door was locked behind him. _I guess after all he's been through, he has a right to be wary of me. After all, he still doesn't remember me, but at least he didn't push me away when I embraced him. I guess I'll have to be satisfied with that for now._ After placing a blanket and a pillow on the sofa for Shuichi, he stretched out on the bed, but he just couldn't relax enough to go back to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he would envision all of the things Kaori had done to Shuichi. _If I ever see that bastard again, I swear I'm going to kill him!_

Shuichi walked back into the living room feeling much better now that he'd been able to wash Kaori's scent off of him. Just as Yuki had promised, there was a blanket and a pillow waiting for him on the sofa. He crawled under the covers and tried his best to relax, but he was still haunted by the awful things Kaori had done, and by the fact that he'd been betrayed by someone he trusted and had begun to like. Wrapping his arms around his ribs, Shuichi curled into a ball and cried himself to sleep.


	10. Forever

Kaori awoke just as dawn was breaking. He reached out expecting to pull Shuichi closer to him, but instead all he felt was a cold, empty bed. Jumping out of bed and throwing his boxers on, he raced into the living room. No one was there. As he was rushing through the hall toward the bath room, he nearly ran into Yori. She walked quietly past him carrying her luggage.

"Do you know where Shuichi is," he frantically asked as he followed her down the hall.

"He is with Eiri Yuki," she answered him calmly setting her luggage down in the living room.

"You…let him go!" Kaori's face was so red from his rage that it was almost purple. "How could you let just him go like that? I thought you were going to help me win him over!"

"Don't talk to me about 'winning him over," she screamed. "You raped him! How could my beloved brother be so cruel? I've always admired and supported you – ALWAYS! No matter what you got yourself into, I've always been there to help you. But tonight for the first time in my life, I was ashamed that you are my brother!" Angry tears began to spill over her cheeks.

"I never…what…did he tell you?" All of the color had drained from his face leaving his pale complexion looking ghostly white.

"He didn't have to tell me anything. I could figure out what had happened from the bruises you left on his wrists!" Unable to look at his face anymore, Yori turned her back on him and called for a taxi to come pick her up. "I've already made arrangements to stay with Tara until I'm able to find a place of my own," she informed him after hanging up the phone. "And don't even think about bothering Shuichi anymore. If I find that you have, I will tell father all about your lifestyle!" Kaori's sharp intake of breath let her know that her threat had hit its mark. "Of course he probably won't disown you on my word alone. He'll have the matter thoroughly investigated which will undoubtedly be…inconvenient for all of your former lovers."

"Yori, you can't…it would destroy John's career, and…Kevin…he hasn't come out yet either! You wouldn't really do that to them, would you?"

"I'm not like you," she snapped at him angrily. "I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want to make sure that you leave Shuichi alone, and this is the only threat I know for sure that would guarantee your compliance." She looked at him challengingly. "Unlike you, this is not a bluff!" With that she picked up her luggage and headed out the door. "If I were you," she called over her shoulder in an afterthought, "I would stay at a friend's place for a few weeks. I doubt that Eiri Yuki is going to take the fact that you violated his lover very kindly."

Kaori stared at the door for several long seconds unable to fathom the fact that his twin sister, who he'd rarely been separated from, had just walked out of his life. The pain of losing Shuichi was nothing compared to the emptiness he felt at this moment. Then the reality of her last words finally reached his addled brain. _She's right, _he realized in a panic. _Yuki is going to kill me!_

He raced into his bedroom and hastily threw some clothes into his suitcase. Throwing his book bag over his shoulder, Kaori grabbed his things and bolted for the door. _I hope I can get out of here before Yuki finds me!_ Kaori prayed as he headed to his best friend's apartment.

* * *

_**Two men approached Shuichi from the shadows. The larger of the two walked up to him. "Just look at this sweet, young thing walking all alone! He looks kinda lonely." He tried to stroke Shuichi's cheek. **_

_**Shuichi slapped his hand away. "Piss off and leave me alone!"**_

_**"You shouldn't act like that." The other one said. "It really turns him on!"**_

_**Suddenly, the big one grabbed a handful of Shuichi's hair and began kissing him hard. The scent of cigarettes and cheap wine made him want to gag. Shuichi pushed against him with all of his strength, but it was useless. The brute was much too strong for him. In a final act of desperation, Shuichi drove his knee into his attacker's groin. He abruptly released Shuichi, who grunted loudly as his body hit the ground. As he was getting to his feet to run away, the other one kicked Shuichi in the ribs. The sound of his bones cracking reverberated through his head while the wind was knocked out of his lungs. As he fell to the ground, it felt like his body was being kicked and punched from every direction. Shuichi tried to curl in a ball to protect himself, but his body wouldn't obey his commands. Rough hands drug him through the darkness while he struggled to regain his breath. **_

_**"Somebody help me!" Shuichi yelled as they threw him to the ground…**_

Shuichi's blood-curdling screams immediately jarred Yuki awake. With his eyes still blurry from slumber, he stumbled quickly to his hysterical lover's side.

"Hey! Come on…" Yuki spoke to him soothingly as he gingerly wrapped him in a comforting embrace. "You're alright. You're just having another nightmare." He pulled away just far enough to look into Shuichi's face. "Look! You're safe here with me. I won't let anyone hurt you."

Shuichi clung to him desperately. _Why do I feel so safe in his arms? _The sound of Yuki's voice as he spoke quietly in his ear calmed him down faster than he would have thought possible after that terrifying nightmare. _There is something I simply don't understand._ Shuichi wondered in confusion. "Why…why are you being so kind to me?"

"You're my lover. How could I just ignore you?" He shifted uncomfortably. It made Shuichi curious to see the look on Yuki's face. His eyes widened when he saw the empathy in Yuki's eyes.

"I know how disturbing nightmares can be," Yuki answered the question that Shuichi couldn't bring himself to ask.

"If you're really my lover, then tell me you love me." Shuichi couldn't believe he'd just blurted that out. His stomach churned as he looked into Yuki's tormented eyes. _I shouldn't have said that. Is he going to get angry? What will he do to me if he gets angry?_ Shuichi was just about to take back what he'd said when Yuki's expression abruptly changed. He looked as if he'd just received an epiphany.

Looking deeply into his eyes, Yuki took a deep breath and haltingly whispered the words that Shuichi had always longed to hear. "I love you."

Memories of Yuki suddenly flooded into Shuichi's mind. "Yuki," he exclaimed before kissing him enthusiastically.

At first Yuki was taken aback by Shuichi's unexpected behavior, but the taste of the lips he'd been craving for the past few days began to override his senses. Moaning softly with desire he embraced his lover, and began running his fingers through his soft hair. _Wait a minute,_ Yuki paused in surprise pulling back suddenly. "Shuichi…you…you remember me?"

Shuichi was positively ecstatic! "Say it again! Please Yuki; tell me you love me just one more time!"

"Idiot," Yuki laughed in relief. "I love you!"

Shuichi was amazed that those three little words spoken by the person he truly loved could make him feel so complete. Just seeing the smile on Yuki's face and hearing his laughter gave Shuichi more joy than he could possibly imagine. Then suddenly Yuki's smile faded away and was replaced with an expression that instantly caused dozens of butterflies to materialize in Shuichi's stomach.

"Yuki, I…" his comment was cut short as Yuki claimed his lips with a long, passionate kiss.

* * *

As they walked silently through the cemetery, Shuichi was acutely aware of Yuki's anxiety. Of all the places in New York, this was the one place he definitely did not want to visit. Yet he still found the courage to confront this ominous ghost from his past. Shuichi looked at Yuki's grim, determined face and found himself falling more deeply in love with him. They stopped suddenly, and he could tell by Yuki's demeanor that they'd arrived at their destination.

He looked so troubled it made Shuichi's heart ache. "Am I being a bother? I could have just waited by the gate while you did this."

"It's alright," Yuki answered in an uncharacteristically vulnerable voice. "I'll never leave you alone in this city again! Besides, this is something I want you to hear as well."

They knelt side by side at Yuki Kitazawa's grave. Slowly with trembling hands, Yuki retrieved the letter he'd written. He carefully unfolded it and began to hesitantly read its contents.

"Sensei, it has been nearly ten years since you betrayed me and I murdered you. Even though your predilection for sadism robbed me of my innocence and transformed me into a cold, mistrustful person, deep down I still held onto my love for you. You were my first love, and I didn't think I could ever fall in love with someone else. Partially because I could never get you out of my heart, but mostly because I was petrified of getting hurt again.

So I shut my heart off to everyone – my family, my friends, and especially to every potential lover. I thought that I could protect my heart by pushing everyone away, but in reality, I was punishing myself. I thought everything that happened on that awful day was my fault. I always felt that somehow I must have said or done something to drive you to those extremes. But now, with the help of Dr. Schlucter and Dr. Kinjo, I've been able to look back on that day with a new perspective. Now I know I'm not to blame for the unexpected change in your demeanor that drove you to hurt me so badly.

I've lived most of the past ten years in a self-imposed emotional isolation. I've been cold and cruel to everyone in order to keep anyone from getting too close to my heart. For the most part, this strategy has worked, but three years ago I met someone, who wouldn't leave me alone. It didn't matter how cruelly I treated him. He just kept coming back for more. I'm not entirely sure when it happened, but eventually this person wormed his way into my heart. I never thought it would ever happen, but sensei, that someone has replaced you in my heart. He's loud, annoying, and most of the time he's a royal pain in my ass, but I love him. With him by my side, I finally have a reason to let you go, and allow the wounds you inflicted upon me to heal. Therefore, in order to protect my sanity, I must bury what belongs in the past and leave it behind.

I forgive you sensei. In time I hope I will eventually be able to forgive myself."

Yuki carefully folded up the letter and dug a small hole.

"I'm leaving this with you so I can live the rest of my life free from this burden," he said as he placed the letter in the hole. Then he pushed some dirt on top of it and replaced the clump of grass fixing it back together so perfectly, one would have to look very closely to notice it had ever been disturbed.

Yuki looked over at Shuichi, who had been sitting uncharacteristically still and silent. Large tears were spilling over his cheeks. "Yuki…" He wanted to tell Yuki how much he loved him, but he was so overcome with emotion the words just wouldn't come out.

An understanding smile brightened Yuki's face as he tenderly wiped the tears from Shuichi's cheeks. "It's finished," he said decisively. "Let's go home."

* * *

The morning sun illuminated the buildings against the pale blue sky. Yuki watched the city fly by as the taxi made its way through the morning traffic toward the airport. To his immense relief, he could once again look at New York as just another city. Although there were still a few lingering moments of unease, Yuki was confident that they would eventually fade away. _Dr. Kinjo was right! This trip was helpful._ But it had its drawbacks as well…

"Yuki," Shuichi began in what he'd hoped was a seductive voice. "I love you!" Yuki glared at him momentarily then continued to look out the window. "Hey! Didn't you hear me! I said I love you."

"I heard you," he answered irritably.

"When your lover says 'I love you,' you're supposed to say 'I love you' in return!"

He sighed with forced patience. "Look, just because I've finally said it to you, don't get any ideas in your head about me saying it all the time!"

"But I like to hear you say it," Shuichi pouted slightly trying his best to look alluring.

"You know how I feel about you." He avoided looking at Shuichi. Yuki could picture the cute expression on his face, and he knew if he looked at Shuichi now, his resolve would crumble.

"Come on Yuki, just one more time," Shuichi begged gently wrapping his arms around Yuki's neck.

"No," he replied pulling Shuichi's hands away. "Cut that out! We're in public."

"You didn't have a problem with it yesterday," Shuichi reminded him.

"That was in the heat of the moment," he explained with forced patience. "I'm completely composed today."

Making a last ditch effort, Shuichi leaned close to Yuki and whispered in his ear. "Please, tell me you love me!"

A shiver surged down Yuki's spine when Shuichi's breath ghosted over his ear. He looked into Shuichi's eyes and cursed silently at himself for doing so. Yuki's resolve waivered slightly, and he instantly became irritated by his momentary weakness. "I said no, and if you don't quit bothering me about it, I won't ever say it again!"

"Yuki…that's so mean…" Shuichi sulked for several long minutes looking absentmindedly out the window. Finally after glancing surreptitiously at Yuki, Shuichi scooted closer to his bad tempered lover and gently leaned against him.

Yuki sighed long-sufferingly and flashed Shuichi a small, reluctant grin as he wrapped his arm around his lover's shoulder and pulled him closer. _I love you too! _Shuichi thought as he rested his head on Yuki's chest and sighed in contentment. It didn't really matter whether Yuki said it again or not. Shuichi knew Yuki loved him and that they would be together forever!


End file.
